


Across the Stars

by estriel



Category: Figure Skating RPF
Genre: AU tied into reality/canon, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Science Fiction, Alternate Universe - Space, Angst, Drama & Romance, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Prostitution, Sex Work, Space Opera
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-30
Updated: 2019-07-10
Packaged: 2020-05-31 08:50:36
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 31,435
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19422595
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/estriel/pseuds/estriel
Summary: What if your love is meant to be? And what happens if you turn your back on it and try to avoid Fate?Javier learns that there are, in fact, second chances for love, and that Fate will find you even in the most unexpected places. Even if it takes half a galaxy, and nearly half a millennium.





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [among the stars](https://archiveofourown.org/works/19137655) by [Mother_North](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mother_North/pseuds/Mother_North). 



> This story would never have happened without the minds, words, aid, and encouragement of several people. Therefore, my thanks go to: 
> 
> Mother_North: Thank you for allowing me to get inspired by, remix, and expand your marvelous piece! You are the origin of this space journey, and I am grateful to you for bringing the concept into my life. I fell in love instantly. 
> 
> whosays_penultimate: The core of this story is your brain-child as much as it is mine - thank you for exploring the idea with me, and kickstarting this journey! 
> 
> Agnes: This is your story. Thank you for giving me your thoughts and impressions, asking questions, filling my head with ideas. I never could have written this without you. Thank you for taking this journey to the stars with me, from the beginning.
> 
> Bea: Thank you for the many fruitful, challenging discussions. Thank you for finding my science & tech plot holes and poking more holes into them. (And for not giving up on the story even after I refused to fix them all.) 
> 
> With that said... 
> 
> Please note that further tags (and possibly archive warnings) will be added in later chapters of this story. There are mature, dark themes, further on. 
> 
> Also, for those of you who don't like reading WIPs for fear of them becoming abandoned - this fic is finished, I'm only posting it in chapters. So read in peace. ;) 
> 
> **Disclaimer:** This is a work of fiction. All characters, situations, and events are a figment of my imagination!

**_Prologue I_ **

_06-20-2021. Terra._

The tent smells of incense. The smoke makes Javi’s eyes sting and he blinks in the murky light. There are colorful shawls hanging from the tent’s roof, a myriad of tiny silver bells, some dried herbs. 

It’s ridiculous.

But Javi sits down anyway, facing the wrinkled, corpulent woman at the other side of the velvet-covered table.

It is a family tradition, Marina had explained, for the couple to get their fortunes read prior to the wedding. It brings good luck, happiness, and longevity. Marina had snickered as she had explained this, clearly sharing Javi’s opinion of the idiocy of it all. But her _abuela_ would never forgive them if they did not do it.

So here Javi is because grandmothers are not to be let down, ever. Marina is waiting outside, already having taken her turn. She refused to tell him what miraculous news she had learned during her session, saying that they could only do that on their wedding night lest the spell be broken.

Javi sighs.

The fortuneteller looks at him, hawk-eyed and intense in a slightly creepy way.

“Give me your hand,” she croaks and reaches for him, grabbing his wrist to pull it closer when Javi raises his hand. Her nails are too long to be practical and painted a garish red color that is chipping at the tips.

The woman pores over his palm for a long moment, frowning, muttering to herself. Javi struggles not to roll his eyes too obviously.

“There is another one,” she says eventually.

“Huh?” Javi says, raising an eyebrow.

The woman looks up from his palm and fixes him with a stare. “There is another one you think of when you go to sleep. When you wake up. Another one you dream of. Another you hold ensconced in your secret heart.”

Javi gapes, even as his heart starts pounding. Cold sweat breaks out at his nape despite the stifling heat inside the tent. She could not possibly –

“There is another you covet. One you deny. One you think is impossible.”

“That’s not true,” he stammers, gulping for air. He feels like he can’t breathe, his skin impossibly hot, crawling. How could she know? This crazy woman in a tent in the middle of the Poborina Folk Festival, who has never met Javi before, who probably doesn’t even know who Javi is – how could she _possibly_ know about Yuzuru?!

Yuzuru, whom Javi has stayed in nigh daily contact with throughout the years and across the distance, even while many of his skating friends became nothing but estranged acquaintances.

Yuzuru, who still looks as beautiful as Javi remembers, if not more so, his features sharpened into cutting, captivating perfection.

Yuzuru, who, whenever they skate together in a show, makes Javi’s heart beat with such utter joy Javi thinks he might burst with it.

Yuzuru, in whose eyes Javi sees reflected with terrifying, tempting clarity all the things he himself feels, too.

Yuzuru, whom Javi dreams of kissing breathless, of making love to until neither of them can remember their own names, of holding through the wee hours of the night.

Yuzuru, whom Javi’s never had and never can have because it would just not work, not with the distance, not with their past, not with all of Japan still following Yuzuru’s every move on the ice and off, not with all the expectations everyone in Javi’s family has – of settling down, of children, of proper family life.

Javi closes his eyes. Takes a deep breath. The incense threatens to choke him, smoky and sickly sweet on his tongue. He looks back at the crone.

“I’ll get going now,” he says. “Thank you.”

He makes to pull his hand back, but the woman’s grip tightens.

“There is still time. You can still have him. The one you truly love,” she says, her eyes drilling into him, voice almost soft, pleading.

Something deep inside Javi’s chest aches, quivers, cracks like a dam about to break.

“No!” he says forcefully, and tugs at his wrist. “Let me go!” he cries when the woman’s iron grip doesn’t loosen.

“You cannot avoid fate!” she snaps, eyes wild.

Javi yanks his arm back with all his strength, finally slipping free. He stands up, stumbling backwards.

“It will come for you, sooner or later!” the woman shouts after him as he scrambles out of the tent.

The curtain closes behind him, sun hits his face, fresh air floods his nostrils. Javi breathes.

A month later, on a fragrant July evening, he says his vows and marries Marina. The sun is slowly tumbling into the gently waving Mediterranean as they kiss, a husband and wife, sand beneath their feet. They turn to face the guests, smiling, happy, a beautiful couple…

Javi’s eyes find Yuzuru there, standing among his other friends, clapping, his slender figure cast in the golden hues of the setting sun.

There are tears in his eyes. Or maybe it’s just a trick of the light.

**_Prologue II_ **

_04-10-2439. Nokta._

_‘A new shipment has arrived,_ ’ the message had read, followed by a set of coordinates. Just off-planet – close enough to be within comfortable flight distance, far enough that it would not draw the attention of Nokta’s arrival authorities.

The message bore no signature, but Stix knew who it was from.

He finished up his business for the day, and, with a few barked instructions to the night shift, he headed to his private shuttle.

*

The soft whirring of the hibernation crèches filled the cavernous space of the ship’s cargo hold. They were mostly obsolete, and probably unsafe for the kind of interplanetary travel they were being used for, but Stix doubted his dealer was too concerned about such trivialities. His cargo was cheap, for the most part, and many of his other buyers probably didn’t care all that much for the minor damage on their subjects that a malfunctioning crèche might cause.

Stix was, of course, slightly pickier. And so far, he has been vastly disappointed by the contents of this particular shipment.

He had picked up a couple of female humanoids he could only describe as generic blondes – hardly objects of any particular interest to him or those of his clients seeking more refined thrills, but there was a market for that and Stix prided himself on catering to a broad variety of tastes in his establishment.

“Do you have anything worth my while?” he growled, annoyed, as they passed yet another crèche with an entirely too unremarkable subject. “Or did you drag me up here for nothing today?”

“I have something very special,” the dealer drawled silkily. His voice sounded different than Stix remembered – a typical sign of shitty, mass-market voice dissimulation software; it didn’t have enough memory to assign a specific disguise to each conversation partner. “I have had two other bidders for the specimen, but I waited for you, Stix, before making the sale.”

Stix rolled his eyes. “Let’s see that marvel, then.”

The dealer led him through the main cargo hold to a door that required an eye-scan to unlock. That did pique Stix’s interest. If whatever the dealer carried warranted extra security, it might just be something relevant.

The small chamber beyond the door was bathed in the pale blue light emanating from the three crèches at its center. These were newer models, and in good repair.

The first crèche held a non-humanoid creature – probably Atarran, if the tentacular limbs were any indication. Stix snorted. “Do you honestly think I have use for – “

“No, no, sir,” the dealer said quickly. “This is the one,” he added as he came to stand by the crèche in the middle, smiling smugly.

Stix peered inside – and had to fight very hard to keep his mask of professional disinterest in place.

“Very rare, very pure,” the dealer began to prattle beside him, but Stix paid him little heed.

There was something truly captivating about the specimen resting inside the crèche, even deep in hibernation as it was.

“Old Terran genes. You will not find many like this one.”

“Twenty-thousand units,” Stix said, finally ungluing his gaze from the exotically slanted eyes and pink, plump lips to let it travel down the lean humanoid body. The skin was milky and smooth, the figure muscled, broad shoulders tapering to an enticingly narrow waist. It was perfect, a real treasure among the trash.

“Twenty-thousand?!” the dealer screeched, scandalized. “Do you know how hard it was to obtain – and reconstruct – such an ancient sample?! I mean no disrespect, Stix, but as I said, I have two other bidders –“

Stix laughed disdainfully. “And who, pray tell, would you sell this one to?”

The dealer hesitated for just a second, but that was all the confirmation Stix needed. There were no other bidders, just as he had expected.

“From the records we retrieved along with the sample, we learned that the donor was a champion athlete back on Terra, a legend, one of a kind – “

“And what good does that do?” Stix asked with a chuckle. “This one is no good for the mines, not with the delicate respiratory systems the Terrans have. As for the fight pits… don’t make me laugh!”

The dealer deflated a little at that.

“This specimen was made for one thing, and one thing only,” Stix went on, once again raking his eyes over the slender figure half-submerged in the blue liquid of the crèche. “Those lips? For sucking. And that ass? To be plundered. I’ll give you thirty thousand, and that’s my final offer.”

*

It was a fantastic deal, Stix thought, as he stood poring over the crèche now on board of his own shuttle. This specimen would make a magnificent addition to his menu.

“Welcome to Black Holes, YH12071994,” he said, reading off the code stamped onto the specimen’s delicate right wrist. “You’re going to be my new star.”


	2. Into the Abyss

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Javi - disillusioned, and ready to give up on his dreams - seeks only easy, temporary release. What he finds is... something quite different.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter leans heavily on Mother_North's [among the stars](https://archiveofourown.org/works/19137655), the piece that inspired this entire story. Please give it a read! Mother_North , thank you for kindly allowing me to remix and expand upon your mind-baby!
> 
> The amazing fanart in this chapter is by [MsDaring](https://archiveofourown.org/users/MsDaring/pseuds/MsDaring). Thank you for illustrating Javi and Yuzu, darling! <3

_ 04-15-2425. Terra. _

_ “Help me with this, Javi. You know I can’t use these modern things,” his grandmother said and motioned to the holographic images still hovering in front of them. _

_ Javi stood up and flicked his fingers to activate the user console. With a few quick gestures, he deactivated the holo projector. _

_ The projector gave a soft beep as it switched off, the floating images dissolving into thin air. They had been old ones, he could tell – two-dimensional and definitely not sharp enough for their projector, which made the end effect a little grainy. _

_ Still, Javi had been fascinated. This was ancient history, and all the more exciting because it had been his namesake from generations and generations ago whom he had just seen for the first time. His tenth birthday really has been a treat so far!  _

_ He turned to his grandmother, eyes glowing, thinking back to the family legends and stories she had just finished telling. For some reason, they made him feel restless. _

_ “But what if – what if they didn’t know?” he asked her. “What if that other Javier didn’t realize he had met the one? How can you even know?” _

_ His grandmother smiled fondly and reached out to ruffle his hair. “When you meet the one, Javi,” she said gently, “you will know. Trust me, you will know.” _

*

_ 03-12-2441. Nokta. _

Everything looks beautiful from space. Javi leans back in his seat, feet up on the steering console, and allows himself to simply watch as the autopilot makes the last few adjustments to begin the guided descent towards the planet beneath, painted in hues of greys and purples against the canvas of all-encompassing blackness.

Everything looks beautiful from space, even a shithole like Nokta.

Javi is not too thrilled about this gig because Nokta is far from his favorite corner of the universe, but it pays well, and should be easy. Just collect a bit of cargo, the content of which Javi prefers not to acquaint himself with, smuggle it past Nokta’s admittedly rather lax port authorities, and deliver it to the infamous Uver D’Bargi system. From there, Javi imagines it will be shipped on further, and he will be almost fifteen-thousand units richer.

Smuggling is hardly the career Javi had envisioned when he was sneaking out of his family’s compound back on Terra nearly six years ago. He had dreamed of the stars, of a grandiose quest for adventure, of search and exploration, a mission to find something more precious even than the delicacies his father’s business traded with throughout the galaxy…

Instead, he had spent the first few years slaving away in the underbellies of interplanetary cargo carriers because who would believe a green 20-year old brat when he claimed he knew how to pilot. Eventually, more by lucky accident than by anything else, Javi did get to fly, even if the vessel’s purpose was far less noble than he had envisioned.

Flying had been a hobby, more than anything else, when he still lived on Terra. Javi knew that once he joined his family’s enterprise in his official role as heir, he would mostly remain on the ground. The best he could hope for would be a brief occasional journey in the cool comfort of a hibernation crèche, should delicate interplanetary business require a personal meeting.

It didn’t sit well with him. And so he had fled, full of the romantic ideas the Oracle had filled his head with.

_ I see stars. I see the endless abyss of space. I see black holes. I see a love that reaches across the stars,  _ the Oracle had told him during the audience on his seventeenth birthday. It was an ancient family tradition, one that most of his relatives only laughed at, but Javi had trusted his grandmother when she said the Oracle’s advice was not to be taken lightly.

Javi thinks he would have fled Terra sooner, had it not been for her.

Three years he had hoped that he would meet the love the Oracle had promised him. He had dreamed of how he would just run into them one day, and  _ know _ .

It didn’t happen.

Meanwhile, his family grew impatient. His mother’s hints about grandchildren were becoming less subtle by the day, while his father made very clear his expectations for Javi to marry, settle, and shoulder part of his business responsibilities. It was stifling.

Still, Javi couldn’t leave his grandmother behind, and so he stayed...

“ _Leave, Javi, if you must. And don’t give up. Never give up_ ,” she had implored him as she lay dying, three years past his seventeenth birthday.

Javi remembers her advice now as the ship descends towards Nokta, successfully camouflaging as a private tourist vessel when the pings from port authorities reach them. 

Javi feels like he is just about ready to give up. He probably would have returned to Terra already, romantic notions be damned, had it not been for the fact that he loves the stars. To this day, they can take his breath away. Who needs some stupid fated love story when one can have the stars.

Six years among the stars is a long time, though, and it gets lonely on the long drifts from planet to planet, from system to system.

The moment he steps out of the port, Nokta greets him with walls of concrete, flashing neon signs, and the ever-present distant clamor of the mines. The crushing gravity makes Javi feel like he has a dead body slung over his shoulders. He activates the gravity equalizers inside his suit, and sighs with relief as the pressure eases. The atmosphere is breathable, but the noxious smells emanating from the variety of street vendor stalls make his throat sting and his eyes water. Javi suspects they are cooking things much worse than even the most dubious food stall he has ever seen back on Terra. In fact, it’s probably not even food they offer. There is a reason why Nokta is dubbed a junkie’s paradise. 

He does not like this planet. A part of him just wants to crawl back to his ship, and sleep until it’s time for the meeting with his planet-side contact.

More potent than his disgust with Nokta’s shady nightlife, though, is the itch that has been building inside him ever since he woke from hibernation a week ago. Javi is in need of company – a warm body to press himself against, a bit of mindless relief, so that he can remind himself he can still feel things, that he is still alive. 

The sign above the door reads  _ Black Holes  _ in glaring neon. It is the kind of establishment Javi knows he will regret visiting, but he enters anyway. He has no energy to look for an actual lover, no desire to play the lengthy game of seduction that would lead him to what he needs in perhaps a more sophisticated way. Better just name it for what it is – he needs to fuck. Might just as well take the easy way out, and make use of one of the many alluring, albeit mindless androids he is sure to find inside this place.

He pays the standard entry fee at the cashier desk, a small sum that will allow him to preview what is on offer. Javi feels disgusted with himself already, so he orders a tumbler of whiskey at the bar. It burns down his throat, of course, cheap amalgam of chemicals that it is, light-years distant from the amber liquid of his memories that spread like honey in his mouth and filled him with pleasant warmth. Obviously, his father’s carefully curated liquor collection was far superior to anything one could expect from a seedy brothel on Nokta.

Fortified, Javi proceeds to the brothel’s innards. The light inside is dim, purplish, and Javi has to squint for a moment as he waits for his eyes to adjust.

Plexiglass cabins line the walls, most of them set on transparent, not concealing anything from the few patrons milling along the space. Within, a collection of writhing shapes – humanoids, mostly, Javi is relieved to find, though he spots a few bodies that he is not sure how he would even approach, let alone  _ do  _ anything with.

Javi takes a few steps, peering at the predominantly naked bodies inside the cabins. He quickly averts his gaze whenever he spots a worker already occupied with a client.

Animalistic sounds filter through the plastic walls, raw and filthy and depraved, flesh slapping against flesh, hoarse moans and choked cries. 

Javi fights a wave of sudden nausea. He should not have come. This is not what he is looking for, after all. Better just spend another lonely night with just his hand and a holo projection for company than engage in… this. He looks down, head spinning, and stumbles against one of the plexi-walls.

He takes a breath, waiting for his stomach to settle. 

Suddenly, Javi senses eyes on him. He looks up – and his world seems to grind to a halt.

From the other side of the plexiglass wall he is leaning against, a stranger is fixing him with a stare of frightening intensity. A pair of exotic slanted eyes is boring into him, as dark as the abyss of deep space, framed by lashes so black and thick they almost look like strokes of eyeliner. 

Javi cannot help but feel like he has seen those eyes before.

The stranger’s mouth forms a perfect, glistening ‘o’, and his breath fogs the clear plastic wall as he lets out a soft moan. It is supposed to sound like pleasure, Javi assumes, but somehow he knows it is not.

That is when he tears his eyes away from the penetrating gaze to take in the rest of the scene unfolding before him. The stranger is naked, creamy skin slicked with sweat and practically glowing in the purple light. He is braced against the clear wall, forearms and slender fingers splayed against the plexiglass as he stands there, legs spread obscenely wide. A meaty hand is tangled in the stranger’s black hair in a rough grip, while the ruddy man sharing the cabin with him mercilessly ruts against his behind.

Javi watches, a blend of potent arousal and – inexplicably – angry jealousy stirring inside his stomach.

He reaches out and presses his own palm against the plexi-glass, watching the stranger’s eyes snap to where their hands are aligned, with only the thin wall separating them. The way he is acting seems so human, Javi realizes, scarily so, even though that obviously cannot be, as brothels only stock androids these days, fuck-machines without a soul. 

What also cannot be, but still is, is the fact that Javi  _ has _ seen those eyes before.

It doesn’t take long for the client inside the cabin to let out a loud groan, hips trashing wildly against the slender body in his grip.

The stranger closes his eyes and drops his forehead against the glass. Again, the gesture is deceptively human, but Javi tells himself not to be stupid. It is probably part of the illusion, giving the client what he wants – to feel like he has ruined his victim completely. The stranger –  _ the android! _ – is just responding to the cues he reads in the client’s behavior. 

The man slaps the stranger’s delectable backside with a resounding smack before he pulls out.

Uncannily, the stranger winces, as if he was…  _ self-aware _ , Javi realizes. It must be. The realization makes him shudder.

Soon enough, the client is slipping out of the cabin, his purchased time evidently expired. He shoulders past Javi with a rough laugh. “I guess you’re next, eh? Best ass in the galaxy, I tell you, pal.”

Javi glowers, and tears his eyes away from the stranger still within the cabin – now down on his knees, head bowed and stomach heaving as he gulps for breath. The sight makes Javi’s insides twist. 

He forces himself to turn around, and walk away. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! Have any comments or thoughts? Do let me know, I love feedback! <3


	3. Do You Dream of Electric Sheep?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Javi and the beautiful stranger finally meet, and the meeting blows Javi's mind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Inspired by Mother_North's [among the stars](https://archiveofourown.org/works/19137655). <3
> 
> The chapter title was inspired by the title of Philip K. Dick's novel "Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep?".

_04-15-2425. Terra._

_The ice was smooth, and incredibly slippery. Javi squealed, clutching onto the boards encircling the expanse of white, as his legs threatened to slip out from under him. His grandmother gave him an indulgent smile from where she stood on firm ground._

_“Go on,” she said. “You’ll get it. It’s in your genes.”_

_As always, she was right. It took Javi a few minutes to get the hang of it, but then he was pushing forward boldly, leaving the boards behind. When he managed to skate a full lap, he laughed in delight, and went for another one._

_Faster, faster - it felt like flying, almost, the rush of speed, and the constant impending danger of a crash. Almost like that one time father took him for a jaunt just beyond the stratosphere, allowing Javi to sit beside the pilot as they flew up, and up, until Javi could glimpse the velvety blackness of space, and the pinpricks of stars all around them, Terra reduced to a hazy blue orb far beneath._

_“Do you know why I took you here?” his grandmother asked Javi when he finally stepped off the ice, teeth chittering in the cold but face aglow._

_“I don’t know! Because it’s fun?”_

_“That also,” his grandmother smiled. “But that is not the main reason. Come on, let’s go home - it is time to meet the man who gave you his name.”_

_*_

_03-12-2441. Nokta._

Javi exits the inner area of the brothel, blinking a few times to get used to the brighter lighting in the vestibule. Then he returns to the cash desk with a few purposeful strides. 

“Number 28,” he tells the cashier, and slaps his payment card – one of the prepaid, untraceable ones, of course – down on the desk.

“Oh, you’re in luck,” the cashier announces, giving Javi a lopsided grin, a full set of crooked yellow teeth on display. “He is our bestseller, you know. He was booked for the night, but one of his regulars cancelled.”

Javi barely hears the hourly price the clerk names. He doesn’t care. All he cares about is getting back there. He wants to – 

What, exactly? 

A few hours ago, Javi was convinced he wanted sex – quick, meaningless, and mechanical. Now, shockingly enough, Javi finds he is possessed by an urge stronger than that. He just wants to make sure the stranger is okay.

It is completely irrational, he knows that. The stranger is an android, and androids do not feel the way humans do, or worry about emotional states because they simply don’t have any. At least not the usual kind one finds in brothels, Javi reminds himself. The doubt, the need to know the truth, is gnawing at Javi, though. He leans in towards the clerk over the counter and lowers his voice conspiratorially.

“Is that one – is it self-aware?” he asks, careful to use the neutral pronoun most people who work with them associate with androids. 

The clerk freezes, then gives Javi a once-over before he responds. “Now, that would be highly illegal,” he says slowly. And even slower, he winks.

“Of course,” Javi repeats, heart beating fast inside his chest. This is beyond wrong. Terrifying.

Self-aware, conscious androids are nearly on par with citizens in terms of rights. The crack-down on mines, brothels, factories and other such establishments holding self-aware androids against their wills has been brutal in recent years as society’s notions of what is acceptable and _humane_ have shifted once again. Javi can barely believe it, he can barely breathe, as he thinks through the implications. Somehow, he doubts that this particular one, this beautiful stranger getting mishandled in this cesspit on Nokta, is here of his own free will.

“I want a private cabin,” Javi blurts. 

“You got it,” the clerk nods as he keys in a few more commands into the console in front of him. “You want to play extra naughty, huh? Nobody should see, huh? Can’t say I blame you, number 28 really is a treat. How long do you want him for?”

_Him_. Not it. It is one thing for Javi to think of an android as a _him_ – it is, after all, part of the illusion, a game of make-believe to convince yourself that the body in your arms is a real one, a living, breathing lover. It is quite another for an employee in a brothel to use the pronoun typically reserved for humans when referring to an android, even an advanced, self-aware one. 

Javi blinks, shaking his head in confusion. 

“All night.” The words are out before he can think them through, or calculate how much this insanity will cost him. The thought of leaving the stranger after an hour or two, of letting another client follow him into the cabin and do whatever they please to that body, to that captivating face, makes Javi’s chest clench uncomfortably. He can’t, he _can’t_ let that happen.

“Alrighty, greedy man,” the clerk comments, smiling smugly. With that, he hands Javi the access pass, a simple plastic card.

Javi all but runs back to the inner chamber, paying no attention to the temptations on display in the rest of the cabins as he makes his way towards the one with the number 28 emblazoned on the automated sliding door.

Javi swipes the access pass through the slot by the door and waits for it to hiss open. He steps inside and the door slides closed behind him, the walls of the cabin growing opaque as it does so. 

The first thing he notices is the gravity, even before his suit alerts him to it and switches off the equalizers. It is perfect, the comfortable weight settling around him like a familiar cloak, grounding without crushing. How strange, Javi thinks. He didn’t expect _Black Holes_ to have the type of systems that would adjust to each client, enhancing comfort by shifting the settings to their home world levels. 

Then he hears the hiss of what sounds a lot like water, coming from a walled-off nook inside the cabin. It sounds like a shower, but what would that be for? Androids don’t sweat. It must be an extra precaution – disinfection in between clients, something of that sort. It gives Javi pause and he wonders just what he has gotten himself into – this brothel is turning out a lot fancier than it had seemed from the outside. For a split second, Javi thinks back to the payment card he had used to pay for this night, and wonders how many units have been subtracted from it. 

Then the stranger steps out from the walled-off area, and Javi’s mind goes blank.

He is wearing a silky blue bathrobe and running a hand through his hair, shaking loose droplets of water as he does so. His skin seems to glow in this light – none of the harsh purples from before, only soft, warm illumination – and Javi’s gaze is drawn to the stranger’s exposed collarbones, up the curve of his long neck, to the attractive rosy flush on the stranger’s sharp cheekbones. Then he meets the stranger’s eyes once again.

They are obsidian, and Javi feels like he could drown in them.

“I thought you were a dream.”

It is a startled whisper, a breath, as the stranger stares at Javi with something Javi would call surprise if the stranger was human. The stranger’s voice is melodic beyond anything Javi has ever heard from a machine, conscious or not.

Then the stranger’s expression changes and his eyes dart up beyond Javi’s shoulder. Javi twists his head to follow the gaze and notices the camera just beneath the ceiling, and a holo displaying the current time.

When he turns back, the stranger’s eyes are downcast, his features composed and arranged into a mask of perfect stillness.

“What can I do to please you tonight?” he asks in a voice that carries none of the previous inflection. Now he sounds like an android. He looks back up at Javi. Even his eyes seem dead now.

Javi blinks, taken aback by the sudden change of demeanor. 

“Depending on the period you have bought me for, I can offer many things,” the stranger goes on as if he was rattling off a list. “In an hour – a fellatio, if you wish, a while for you to rest, and then you’ll still have time to fuck me. Or, if you prefer, you can get on your hands and knees while I – “

Acting on pure instinct, Javi steps forward and reaches out to clamp a hand over the stranger’s mouth. It is so wrong – the dead voice, the dead eyes, the menu of sexual services flowing from those lips. 

The stranger quiets immediately and Javi can feel the erratic breath where it ghosts against his palm. Something like fear flits across the stranger’s face, a flash so quick Javi would have missed it had he not been so intently focused on him. Javi pulls back as if stung, whipping his treacherous hand away.

“I’m sorry, sorry,” he blurts out. “I didn’t mean to scare you.”

The stranger looks at him, then lowers his eyes once again. “I am yours now. I will do whatever you ask.”

“No,” Javi finds himself saying, heart hammering. “That’s not – “ he lets out an exasperated huff. “Why don’t we sit down,” he says finally, looking at the bed as if it held answers to the confusion he feels.

The stranger nods, and pads across the floor towards the bed – Javi stares, transfixed, at his bare feet, the delicate ankles, the lightest smattering of hair on his calves. The glimpse of powerful thighs disappearing into the silky fabric of the bathrobe makes Javi swallow, reminding him why he came here in the first place. 

Perfect, Javi thinks. He is perfect. He’s been with androids before, but he has never seen one quite like this, one whose every movement seems to call out to Javi, make him want to come closer, bury himself in his arms. A truly remarkable feat of engineering, he thinks, to create something so life-like.

They sit on the bed facing each other. The stranger folds his hands between his knees and looks at Javi expectantly. 

“What’s your name?” Javi asks and watches the dark eyes widen.

“I don’t have a name,” the android tells Javi. “My code is YH12071994.” With that, he pulls up one of his sleeves and shows Javi his wrist, the string of letters and numbers embossed into the nearly translucent skin there. Javi wants to hold that wrist, and kiss it. “You can call me whatever you like.”

“Yuzuru.” The name falls from Javi’s lips unbidden, as if someone had fished it out of the recesses of his subconscious mind. He must have heard it somewhere before, even though he doesn’t recall where. Still, the syllables feel right on his tongue. It is a name that fits.

The android – Yuzuru – tilts his head to the side. His lips move ever so slightly as he mouths the name quietly, as if he was tasting it, acquainting himself with its shape and sound. 

“I like it,” he says eventually.

Javi smiles. “I’m Javier. Javi, for short,” he tells Yuzuru. “I know it’s a weird name. It’s an old Terran one. That’s where I’m from, Terra.” He clamps his mouth shut after that, suddenly aware that he is babbling. It might not be such a wise thing to do, all things considered. Javi has no doubt the camera in the corner also records their conversation. He is always careful not to leave too much of a trace, no matter where he goes. He is not sure why he seems to be forgetting all reason tonight, throwing caution to the wind. He feels as if he was a little intoxicated, but surely the single glass of whiskey couldn’t have affected him so much. He makes a mental note to try and erase the incriminating footage from the brothel’s logs later.

“Terra,” Yuzuru repeats, eyes narrowing. “Is it interesting?”

“Not that – “ Javi begins but stops himself. He thinks of all the history one can see and feel and touch on Terra, of the wonders left behind by ancient civilizations. He thinks of the mountains and rivers and oceans, of the trips his grandmother used to take him on when he was a boy. He remembers how she had explained the importance of Terra’s nature, which had been nearly eradicated by the end of the twenty-first century, and how she had spoken of the equilibrium that had only been restored in the wake of the terrible wars that had wiped out more than half of Terra’s population in the twenty-second. A wave of nostalgia hits him as he thinks back to the reverence with which his grandmother had shown him many of Terra’s marvels. 

“I suppose it is interesting, if you’ve never been,” he concludes.

Yuzuru’s mouth curls up in a small sad smile. “I have never been.”

Javi wonders just what Yuzuru’s life is like here, in what he is now convinced is captivity.

They sit in silence for a while after that. Javi’s mouth is dry, his palms sweaty. He almost wishes he was back on his ship, alone. But every time he looks up, he finds Yuzuru’s eyes on him, so uncannily real it makes Javi’s head spin. He feels his breath grow shallow under that searching gaze, feels the stirrings of arousal once again. He avoids the memory of Yuzuru pressed up against the glass, of the fake moan, the way he crumbled down onto the floor in the aftermath of the act. No. He won’t do that, won’t cause that.

A slender hand lands on top of his thigh. Yuzuru’s palm is incredibly warm, burning even through his suit. The touch sends a jolt throughout his body and the low-key hum of desire spikes almost unbearably. 

“Do you –“ Javi rasps and raises his eyes from where he’s staring at the slender fingers resting on his thigh. Yuzuru’s face is shockingly close, too close, and Javi can’t stop himself.

He closes the final inch between them, seeking the enticing curve of Yuzuru’s lips with his. 

His mouth is as soft as Javi imagined, if not more so. His lips open under Javi’s, an unspoken invite, and Javi wishes he could resist because deep down he knows that this is wrong. But he is only a man, a lonely pilot with a starved body, and he slides his tongue into the velvet of Yuzuru’s mouth eagerly, moaning as he does so.

Yuzur tastes… He _tastes?!_ A small part of Javi’s brain registers the detail, catalogues the minty flavor, but his focus is swimming. He feels like he is falling up into the starry sky, tumbling out of control, weightless, and he doesn’t even mind.

Yuzuru’s hair runs like silk through his fingers when he raises a hand in a caress, cradling his head while they kiss, his other hand finding purchase on the impossibly narrow waist.

“Stop,” Javi gasps brokenly when he feels a hand settle against the bulge between his legs. He opens his eyes to catch the startled expression on Yuzuru’s face. He shakes his head to clear it. “Please, let me,” he clarifies and takes hold of Yuzuru’s wrist, gently guiding his hand away and up, so that he can press a kiss into his palm.

When Javi lets go, Yuzuru stares at his hand, blinking rapidly, as if he didn’t understand what just happened.

Javi stands up and undresses quickly, then sits back down, close enough for their knees to touch, far enough to be respectful. Respectful? A part of him nearly laughs at the notion, but it seems right in the moment, whorehouse or no.

“May I – “ he begins, but the words get stuck inside his throat. Instead, he gestures at Yuzuru’s robe, at his body hidden beneath.

Yuzuru only nods. He truly is a marvel, Javi thinks, as he observes the way his breath hitches, the way his face and neck seem to flush under Javi’s gaze. _How?_ he wonders. _How is he so human?_

The thought is fleeting, though, weak against the onslaught of other desires and sensations. He pushes the robe off of Yuzuru’s shoulders, smoothes his palms down his bare arms, fascinated by the goosebumps that spring up beneath his touch.

He lays Yuzuru down on the bed and kisses everywhere he can reach, tasting every inch of skin he cannot believe is synthetic. He drinks in the tiny quiet gasps when they start spilling from Yuzuru’s lips, and the louder, needier moans that replace them when Javi takes Yuzuru into his mouth, swallowing him whole.

“Oh - OH!” the half-choked sound is music to Javi’s ears, raw and real and light-years away from the fake moans he heard as he stood on the outside of that plexiglass wall. 

Then Yuzuru lets out a string of words Javi doesn’t understand, lilting and foreign. His fingers tighten where he is grasping at Javi’s hair and he spills himself down Javi’s throat. 

Afterwards, Javi crawls up the bed to lie next to Yuzuru, to stroke his boneless form, trace the shapes of his ribs and abdomen, to hold him though the afterglow. Yuzuru looks at Javi, eyes heavy-lidded and peaceful, glittering like stars in the night sky back on Terra.

“What do you want to do now?” Javi asks gently, fingertips tracing Yuzuru’s eyebrow, brushing his temple.

Yuzuru yawns and the illusion is perfect; he looks like a worn-out kitten after too much play.

“Would you like to sleep?”

Yuzuru nods, then freezes, stiffening next to Javi. His eyes dart up towards the camera. He bites his lip, suddenly alert. 

Javi sees it all, the visceral reaction – the fear, a recoiling, shutters coming up, mask snapping into place. He hates it. He reaches for his discarded suit and pulls it up on the bed so can access the small input console on the left sleeve. He keys in a command and waits for the single blink of the indicator that confirms the function has been activated.

“It’s okay,” he then says, turning back to Yuzuru. He caresses his cheek, wishing Yuzuru’s face would animate once again under his touch, put off by the cold, cautious expression. “They can’t hear us, nor see us.”

It is a nifty bit of technology, and one of Javi’s best investments, though he had never thought he would use it in this context. It is a neutralizer of sorts, a wireless infection that taps into surveillance systems and fools them by repeating an intricate loop of previous takes, mixed and blended so seamlessly they won’t notice a difference. It would take a very detailed analysis to detect the footage has been tapered with. It comes in quite handy during some of Javi’s trickier jobs.

Yuzuru looks at him, eyes alight with something Javi thinks might be hope, if androids knew the concept of hope. He is not sure they do, even the self-aware ones. As far as he knows, hope, like love, is a purely human condition, mad and irrational and... wonderful, sometimes.

“I like to sleep,” Yuzuru whispers after a moment.

“Why?” Javi asks, smiling down at him.

“I get tired,” Yuzuru admits. Javi starts, puzzled. “And I like the dreams.”

Javi stops breathing, his mouth falling agape.

“You - you dream?” he stammers. 

Yuzuru nods, and the smile that blooms on his lips softens his features, making him look infinitely younger. His eyes nearly disappear, just two black crescents on the white canvas of his face. 

“Yes,” he breathes. “It’s beautiful.” His voice is reverent, full of awe.

“What do you dream of?” Javi manages, even though his throat is constricting, his chest leaden.

“I dream of…” Yuzuru begins, then stops as if he needed to think of a suitable way to describe it. “I think – I think it is ice. So much ice, a large sheet of it – impossible, I know! It glitters, it calls to me. And in my dreams, I am there, on the ice. Dancing – flying.”

Javi feels the panic crash over him like a wave. He scrambles backwards, suddenly drenched in cold sweat despite the pleasant temperature inside the cabin, and tumbles off the bed. He starts pulling on his suit. His mind is mind reeling.

This – it’s impossible. Impossible and yet – and yet! Javi’s stomach churns and his mouth tastes of sick, like he might vomit in the next second.

“What – “ he hears Yuzuru’s cry, the confusion in it, the fear, and a part of him yearns to offer comfort, but he can’t, he can’t stay here, he can’t explain, he can’t breathe, he can’t –

He stumbles towards the door, slamming his palm onto the control pad beside it. The door slides open and he falls through it.

“Javi!”

Yuzuru’s voice is the last thing he hears, piercing, wounded, lancing through Javi like a spear. Then the door closes and cuts him off. 

Javi runs out of the inner chamber, past the translucent cabins, the purple lights, bumping into other patrons, ignoring their cursing.

“Leaving so soon?” the clerk calls after him, and somehow his lewd, amused tone stops Javi in his tracks.

“ALL NIGHT,” he growls and his eyes must be wild because the clerk shrinks away from him in terror. “I paid. Leave him alone. He’s MINE.”

“Crazy fucker,” the clerk calls after him, but Javi is gone, out, back under the sputtering streetlights and the flashing neons outside. 

He gulps for the cool night air, and leans against the nearest building. Then he bends over, and throws up.

Androids don’t _dream._ Even if they did, what is the likelihood, what is the chance that this particular one would dream of… of the very thing Javi himself dreams of.

Yuzuru is no android, Javi sees it now with sudden, stabbing clarity. He should have known, should have realized. The signs were there this whole time. The gravity attuned to a Terran. The shower. The taste and smell of his skin – not the neutral, vague scent and sensation of a synthetic body, but a real one, a faint trace of sweat, a hint of musk, the warm pull of real pheromones. The wondrous flavor of his mouth, the bitterness of his _come_ on Javi’s tongue. The melody of his voice, far beyond anything technology could ever simulate. Yuzuru is human.

But that is not what makes Javi heave up the contents of his stomach onto Nokta’s dirty street.

It is the other realization – crazy, unbelievable, undeniable. It feels like a kick in the chest. He had not paid attention to it at first, blinded as he was by Yuzuru’s supposed mechanical origin. 

But now Javi knows as surely as he knows that Terra orbits around the sun – this is _it_ , the moment he has been waiting for. 

_‘When you meet the one, Javi, you will know. Trust me, you will know.’_

Now Javi knows. And it scares him witless.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Intrigued? Surprised? Disgusted? Let me know in the comments, I love comments. <3


	4. Crumbling Walls

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Javi learns who - and what - Yuzuru truly is.

_04-15-2425. Terra._

_“Wow!” Javi exhaled when the image flickered into life on the holo projector. It was two-dimensional and grainy, obviously very old. “He looks – “_

_“Just like you,” his grandmother smiled at his stunned expression. “This was Javier Fernández, age ten. He is the man you were named after. He lived some four-hundred years ago, in the early 21_ _ st _ _century.”_

_“That’s crazy!” Javi could not imagine a time so long ago. And the boy in the picture, his great-great-great- well, many times a great-grandfather – he had slightly lighter skin than Javi, but other than that, he could have been his mirror reflection. “What did he do? Was he cool?”_

_His grandmother laughed. “Remember how I said ice skating was in your genes?”_

_Javi nodded._

_“Well, that is what he did.”_

_“He ice skated?” Javi pouted. That did not sound cool at all. Sure, gliding around on the slippery sheet of white had been fun, but that was not what a really interesting ancestor should do. Javi had expected adventures, or exotic travels, big discoveries and feats of bravery, or at least a rock star career!_

_“He was an athlete,” his grandmother told him chidingly. “A champion in a sport called figure skating.” She flicked through the library of files, and selected a 2D video. It began to play on the holo._

_Javi watched – it was uncanny, seeing his ancestor as an adult! Was that what Javi was going to look like, later in life?_

_There he was, an older version of himself standing in the center of the ice. This older Javier started moving in sync with the music playing in the background… and then, he threw himself into an incredible spin-jump?!_

_“Wow!” Javi gasped when the older Javier landed on one foot, drawing a smooth arc onto the ice with the blade of his skate. “That is cool!”_

_The footage ended with a thunderous applause, tribunes full of people cheering and tossing flowers onto the ice. Javi was excited and he clapped his hands along with the fans in the video._

_“Is there more?” he asked eagerly._

_“Yes, let’s see.” His grandmother guided him through image after image – Javier the ancestor accepting medals, smiling from family pictures, laughing on a beach, holding children in his arms, and then, white-haired, surrounded by what must have been grandchildren..._

_Finally, his grandmother pulled up one more picture. It threw them back to Javier’s younger years. His hair was brown again, face smooth save for a few crow-feet around his eyes. His smile was blinding._

_“Who is that?” Javi asked, looking at the second person in the picture. Both him and Javier were in ridiculous clothes that Javi assumed were somehow part of the skating competition. Javier had his arm around the other man’s waist, holding him close as they posed together. The stranger’s eyes were just two small slits, he was smiling that hard._

_His grandmother selected another image to display on the holo. A close-up of Javier with this other man, Javier’s arm slung comfortably around the stranger’s shoulder and curling around his neck. Not posing this time, just caught in conversation from what Javi could tell._

_“That,” his grandmother said and flicked forward once again, this time to show a portrait of the dark-eyed Asian man from the last two images, “is Yuzuru Hanyu.”_

_“He is – “ Javi whispered as he stared up at the larger-than-life face floating in the holo. “He’s beautiful,” Javi finished his sentence and blushed. It was weird to call someone that, much less a long-dead man, but Javi found no other word to describe him._

_“Yes,” his grandmother nodded. Her smile, when she looked at Javi, was pensive, and a little sad. “I suppose he is. Let me tell you a story about him, and about the other Javi.”_

*

_03-12-2441. Nokta._

_You’re off for the night_!

Varda had sounded agitated when he barked out the message through the comm system.

It had surprised him. This rarely happened. Nights were when most business flowed, and the only exception Stix and his staff would make for him was when he was so obviously sick he could barely stand.

 _The madman who just left has paid for a whole night_ , Varda had also said, as if he had noticed his puzzlement. 

It is an unusual situation, but it is freedom, however fleeting, however limited. One night, just for himself.

He leaves the work cabin through the back door and walks back to his room. He had felt tired earlier, but now he is wide awake, his mind full to bursting.

He foregoes a shower this time, and lies down on his bed. He lifts his wrist to his nose and inhales carefully. There. Faintly lingering on his skin is the scent of the man – _Javi_ , he thinks, the name somehow soothing, familiar. As familiar as the face had been, and the touch of the man’s hands on his skin, the timbre of his voice.

He has never met this man before. But he has seen him, a blurry specter emerging from his dreams – the warm brown eyes, the charming smile. They have been with him for as long as the dreams of the ice.

He stares out the window at the strip of night sky above – purplish clouds float across it, partly obscuring the stars.

 _Javi_.

Something is stirring inside him, strange and new, a tingling sensation akin to nervousness, but much more pleasant. It is almost as pleasant as the wave of heat that had washed over him when Javi was touching him, kissing him, taking him with his mouth.

And that is another surprise. He had _felt_ those things, felt every bit of the attention Javi had bestowed upon him like no one ever had before. He had felt them not just in his body, the way he always does, unfortunately, with each of the clients that come calling, no matter how rough they are with him. This time, the sensations ran deeper – he felt them in his bones, in his blood, in his… his heart?

He had never understood the things he read about as he studied the resources he was allowed access to. Alien things like attraction, tenderness, love. Now he thinks he maybe got a glimpse…

He rubs at the code imprinted on his wrist, a constant reminder of what he is, where he came from, who he belongs to. YH12071994.

 _Yuzuru_ , Javi had said. He feels the letters and numbers on his wrist, tracing their familiar outlines with his fingers, and decides he doesn’t want them to be his identity anymore.

 _Yuzuru_ , Javi had named him. And with a deep inhale, Yuzuru accepts the name as his own.

Let his new name be a reminder of the moments he had lived today. It is the only reminder he has, Yuzuru realizes, suddenly wistful, the same way he feels wistful whenever he wakes up from an ice-filled dream.

He aches. The pain is not in his body, either, but it hurts nonetheless – a dull pressure inside his chest that intensifies whenever he remembers how Javi had fled, running away so soon after Yuzuru had discovered a brand new world inside his embrace.

He curls up on the bed, pulling the covers tightly around himself. The tears come as a final surprise. He hasn’t cried in months, perhaps a year, safely ensconced within the protective walls he has erected around himself. They are his defense – detach, sink into a death-like trance, let himself be numb, watch the abuse inflicted upon his body from _outside_. Walling himself off is the only way to survive.

But now his walls are crumbling. And Yuzuru is scared.

*

_03-12-2441. Nokta._

Javi downs the shot and for once welcomes the burning sensation in his mouth and esophagus. It steadies his mind, snaps him back to here and now, cutting the endless loop of images – Yuzuru’s skin, his lips, his eyes.

The eyes. Javi activates his user console and searches through the archives, running on pure instinct and vague memories from when he was a ten-year-old boy. It takes a few minutes but then a photo pops up. There he is - his ancestor Javier, beaming as he stands in front of an ice surface, with purple-colored boards that read _PyeongChang 2018_ in white letters in the background. And standing beside him, with Javier’s hand wrapped around his waist – Yuzuru.

Javi stares at the image his grandmother had shown him on his tenth birthday, his heart thudding against his ribcage.

While Javier, his ancestor, looks like his twin, eerily similar but not exactly the same – something about the color of his skin, the shape of his mouth betraying the fact that they are, in fact, two different people – Yuzuru is a spitting image of the man Javi had just left behind in that brothel.

 _How?_ Javi wonders, zooming in on the grainy image and studying every detail of this Yuzuru’s face. It is the same, the cutting cheekbones, the curve of his lips, the otherworldly beauty that had temporarily tricked Javi into thinking Yuzuru could not possibly be a real person of flesh and blood. _How?_

The code stamped into Yuzuru’s delicate wrist flashes in front of his eyes. And suddenly he remembers a newscast that had made his hair stand on end a couple of years ago, chilling him to the bone. It had been about a crack-down onto an interplanetary gang that had been – Javi nearly vomits again as he thinks about it – involved in mass clone production for organ harvesting, for sale as cheap disposable labor for factories, or as custom sex slaves. Your heart needed a genetically perfect replacement? There was a clone for that. You were manufacturing illegal goods that required the dexterity of a human hand, but you did not want to risk ordering androids, expensive and with traceable parts? You could get a clone. You wanted to fuck a celebrity, or your deceased maternal grandmother? For a price, usually not even a steep one, you could have it all.

The newscast had come from one of the systems at the galactic rim, generally observed as borderline uncivilized and barbarian. Javi has never visited one of the rim worlds, but from what he has read and heard, even seedy Nokta was tame in comparison.

How naive of him to assume that the illegal clone trade was somehow limited to a few worlds on the outskirts of the galaxy. Of course it would spread well into the galaxy’s core because that was where most of the demand would be, and where the money was.

Javi shivers as the implications begin to sink in. Illegal cloners would treat the people in their grasp as nothing but property, sell them off to the highest bidder, who in turn would hold ultimate power over them. He remembers the stories from the newscast: a sex slave clone murdered on a whim, mine workers lasting a year or two before their bodies collapsed from the strain and abysmal conditions they labored in, a clone freed during the raid speaking on camera about how she had wished she was dead rather than live like this.

The fear that settles inside Javi’s body is ice-cold, gripping him like a vise.

He may have finally encountered the person he is predestined for… only to find him trapped in such a horror scenario that Javi’s mind wants to shy away from it. He cannot begin to fathom what Yuzuru must have been through. What can Javi even do now? He has seen how dead Yuzuru’s eyes could be, how detached he had seemed at times… Will Yuzuru ever be able to overcome that? Is there even a chance for him to _love_ Javi? Because that is what is supposed to happen, if the Oracle was right, and if his grandmother’s hints about Javi’s own future were correct – a love so all-encompassing, so _right_ and powerful that it reaches across time and space to finally accomplish what fate had intended, all these centuries ago.

Javi had always thought it would be easy, just falling into one another’s arms in recognition, two souls that are simply meant to be.

This… This is not what he had expected. Instead of feeling relief, happiness, and joy like he had always imagined he would upon meeting _the one_ , all Javi feels is cold terror.

A thought flashes through his mind, brief and dangerous. He could just leave. Complete his job here on Nokta and never look back. He had been nearly ready to give up on the silly notion of fated love, anyway. Maybe he still could…

But then he remembers Yuzuru’s eyes, and the tiny flicker of hope that seemed to ignite in them even in that hopeless place.

He remembers his grandmother, and how she had stood by him despite the pressures from the rest of his family. He recalls her unwavering faith that Javi deserved the love that was written in the stars.

He thinks of Yuzuru reaching out, laying a hand on his thigh – it had seemed like the touch had not been out of obligation, not this time, not with him.

He lets himself go back to their kisses, and how they made his blood rush, the very core of his being resonating like a plucked string when their lips met for the first time. The need to be close had been overpowering, as if every cell in Yuzuru’s body had been calling out to every cell in his.

Javi sobs, sliding down onto the floor and burying his face in his hands when he thinks of the loneliness and despair Yuzuru must have suffered locked up inside _Black Holes_ , each day an exercise in helpless misery. That Yuzuru is still alive, that he has endured despite all this, is a small miracle. Javi realizes he should be grateful that Yuzuru was still there for him to find, that he has, however unknowingly, _waited_ for Javi.

It was stupid to think, even for a second, that he could give up and let this – Yuzuru – go. No. He is in this now, body, heart, and soul. Which means… that he needs a plan.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments? Thoughts? Let me know. <3


	5. Living There, You'll Be Free

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Javi returns to _Black Holes_...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **PLEASE READ: The intro to this chapter (the part in italics at the beginning) includes non-con/rape. It does not involve Javi, it is not graphic. But if you think this could be a trigger for you, please skip it! It is not essential to the plot.**
> 
> I don't want to slap the "non-con" archive warning on this whole fic because of one scene, as this is not what the story as a whole is about, so I am counting on you, dear readers, to enjoy responsibly. :) 
> 
> Chapter title is a lyric from the song [Pure Imagination](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gyZLBDbR10g).

_04-11-2439. Nokta._

_He remembered retching, his body weak and quivering, muscles straining at even the smallest movement as if he had not used them in a very long time. He was cold, dripping with some almost gelatinous liquid._

_He remembered… dreams, were they? They must be because he was sure nothing like what lay inside his mind existed where he was now. Soft pink petals floating in the air. Leaves of flaming colors rustling on trees, cold wind ruffling his hair, and a feeling of excited anticipation in his belly. An expanse of white – air rushing against his face as he flew across it, so fast, so free, his body clad in glittering fabric. And along with it another dream – soft hazel eyes, a touch on his waist, on his shoulder, and a smile that made him feel warm all over._

_Those were the memories he had; the rest was just blank._

_And after that – this. A pair of lizard-like eyes above him._

_“Hello, YH.” A smile, crooked, white teeth flashing from the a face with a slightly grey-ish tinge. “I am Stix. I bought you, you are mine now. You work for me.”_

_He supposed the man, Stix, meant him._

_“Work?” It came out sluggish, as if his tongue was only just waking up from a long night of sleep._

_“Let me show you what kind of work you will be doing for me,” Stix had smirked._

_Then – hands on his body. He recoiled from the unwanted rough touches, tried to scoot away, but he was weak, and Stix seemed to be iron, so much stronger than he was._

_Tears spilled from his eyes as he struggled in vain. Cold slicked-up fingers inside him, breaching his body, uninvited, stinging painfully as they stretched him._

_He begged, pleaded, trashed against Stix’s grip._

_Stix laughed. “Better get used to it. This is your job from now on. You will serve my clients, do whatever they ask of you, let them have this sweet body of yours in any way they want.”_

_His breath hitched in his throat, and he froze in terror as his brain caught up to what Stix was saying. No, no, no, no, no._

_Stix moved his fingers inside him, and his body reacted against his will, betraying him. “That’s it, my little whore,” Stix smiled. “I won’t fuck you today, but only because your virgin ass will fetch me a very lovely price.”_

_Flee, his brain screamed. And because his body was trapped and helpless, he let his mind flee at least. This was not happening to him. Up and up the walls went, until there was nothing left, none of the dread and disgust he was feeling. His mind drifted like a petal on the wind, carried away to dreams of ice, of flying, of a touch that was not an invasion but a soothing, grounding presence._

_*_

_03-13-2441. Nokta._

Javi jolts awake when a solid weight lands on his chest without forewarning.

“Effie!” he splutters, then hisses as sharp claws sink into his skin in what he tries to believe is an expression of affection. The cat meows plaintively, and pushes her cold nose into Javi’s face. Javi raises a hand and pets her head distractedly as he looks around. He is lying on the couch in his ship’s main area, not his own cabin, the holo still hovering on stand-by. He must have fallen asleep at some point: researching, coming up with plans A, and plans B, trying to think through all potential possibilities and pitfalls.

“Where have you been hiding, hm?” he asks the cat and sits up, depositing her beside him. He had taken Effie out of her small hibernation transporter right after he climbed out of his own crèche. She had eaten some of the food he had laid out for her that night, but then disappeared, hiding in some crevice or another the way she often does. She is a stray he had rescued from one of the interplanetary freighters he used to work on, and she has been with him for as long as he has had his own ship. It is perhaps silly to have a cat on board, certainly an extra thing to worry about, but on the long solitary journeys, having Effie around has proven a comfort well worth the effort. She reminds Javi of home, and of the fairytales his grandmother used to read out to him from copies of ancient Terran books – in those stories, every ship had a cat for good luck.

Javi pets Effie’s head one last time and checks the clock. It’s morning. He rubs at his face. He had meant to return to see Yuzuru during the night, with a proposition… He curses himself for sleeping through it, wasting precious time. He wonders what Yuzuru must feel now – has he been thinking of Javi, too? Is he okay, or as okay as one can be, imprisoned as he is? Javi’s chest constricts just thinking about him. He _must_ get him out of there.

He takes a hasty shower and downs a quick cup of coffee to wake himself up – it tastes like dregs, but then again, the only real coffee is grown on Terra, except for some interesting new beans starting to emerge from the lush planet of Cilpho, and Javi has long since given up on such luxuries.

Then he is on his way, all but running through the streets, no less filthy in Nokta’s subdued daylight than they appeared last night.

“I’d like to see Number 28,” he tells the cashier clerk once he’s inside the brothel, much emptier now than it had been at night, only a couple of patrons sitting at the bar.

It is a different clerk than the one Javi had encountered last night, and he fixes Javi with the lizard-like eyes of a native Noktan.

“Number 28 doesn’t start until twelve, usually,” he informs Javi, clearly disinterested. “And he is booked for the first two hours after that.”

Javi inhales sharply as the images begin flooding his brain, of Yuzuru pressed up against the bed, or a wall, forced to do who knows what with some repulsive monster of a man… _Stop_ , he tells himself. _Focus._

“Then I’ll take the slot after that,” he requests past gritted teeth.

The clerk raises his eyebrows, as if was only just noticing Javi’s agitation, the sweat on his forehead, the way his hands are clenched into fists where he is leaning against the counter. “That much into him, are you? You’re not the first one to get obsessed like this,” he comments with an eye-roll. “You can have an hour at two. He’s busy again after that.”

Javi just bites his lip, and proffers his payment card.

Two o’clock. It seems like an infinity.

He can do it, he can wait.

He forces himself to go through his meeting with his contact for the job he originally came to Nokta for, then supervises as three relatively small crates are surreptitiously delivered to his ship and securely stowed in the cargo hold. He doesn’t ask what’s inside them – the less he knows, the better. That way, he can focus on the job itself and not stress about the cargo.

Except now, of course, he is _not_ focused on the job. He is sloppy to the point that his contact gives him a suspicious look before she leaves, cautioning him to better deliver the load, or else he will be in trouble. Javi just waves her off, mind elsewhere.

He keeps checking the time as it crawls forward impossibly slowly. He is trying hard not to imagine what Yuzuru is going through as noon comes, and goes.

He arrives to _Black Holes_ with twenty minutes to spare, pacing along the vestibule and earning himself several quizzical looks from the salmon-skinned humanoid working the bar. When his time slot finally rolls around, Javi grabs his access pass at the cashier, and makes a beeline for the inner area. The dimness inside is even more disorienting than it had been at night, and he stumbles forward blindly until his eyes adjust.

And there he is, finally, at that same cabin, staring through the plexiglass at Yuzuru’s form. He’s sitting on the bed, head down as if he was studying his feet, blue robe hanging off of one of his shoulders. He looks dejected and lost, and Javi’s knees nearly give out under him as the need to hold and protect Yuzuru hits him with unexpected force.

He swipes his access pass through the slot by the door, and steps in, walls turning solid as he does so.

“What can I do to please – “

Yuzuru’s monotonous phrase breaks off as he looks up and sees Javi. His eyes are red-rimmed, as if he had been crying, and as they stare at one another, they turn glossy.

“You came back,” Yuzuru whispers, one slim hand coming up to cover his mouth.

Javi nods, and quickly keys in the command into the console on his suit’s sleeve to give them some privacy. “They can’t see now,” he tells Yuzuru and steps closer, drawn forward as if Yuzuru had a gravitational field of his own, as if he was the Sun around which Javi now orbits.

Yuzuru stands up, eyes never leaving Javi’s. His bottom lip is trembling.

“I’m sorry,” Javi chokes out. “I’m so sorry, so sorry.” Tears well up in his eyes, spilling down his cheeks. “I’m sorry I ran away like that, and that I didn’t come back sooner. I know what you are now, that you are… human. And I’m sorry, I can’t even imagine how horrible –“ He can’t speak anymore past the tears. He reaches for Yuzuru’s hands, but remembers himself at the last moment. “I’m sorry, may I – can I touch you?”

Yuzuru nods, wordless, then follows Javi’s movement with his eyes. Javi encircles both of his wrists with his fingers, making sure that his touch is feather-light. He doesn’t want to trigger any unpleasant memories. It’s like holding two fragile birds, the skin so soft, the pulse fluttering under his touch, the delicately shaped bones. He raises Yuzuru’s wrists up and kisses them, kisses his palms, kisses his fingers, then gently buries his face in Yuzuru’s hands, crying with the wonder and the horror of it all.

A moment later, Yuzuru frees his wrists from Javi’s grasp and reverses the gesture, holding Javi and pulling their joined hands away from his face.

Suddenly, Yuzuru is kissing him, a soft brush of lips, tentative and careful, and Javi’s heart breaks. He leans in closer, deepening the kiss, to savor the oracular flavor of that mouth. He marvels at the way Yuzuru’s tongue probes at his lip and then slips inside his mouth, the sensation electrifying. Javi’s senses seem heightened beyond belief, flutters running through his whole body as their kiss intensifies. _Yes! This is it!,_ his soul wants to scream, blood singing inside his veins.

He presses himself closer to Yuzuru’s body as arousal stirs inside him. When he rolls his hips forward and feels a responding hardness pressing against him, Javi lets out a stifled moan.

He needs this so badly, craves it: Yuzuru moving against him, under him, his body taut like a string when Javi makes them one, finally reuniting them after all the years – centuries, if those tales are to be believed! – and across the stars…

Then Javi remembers the clock, ticking away in the corner of the cabin, and where they are. It’s like a plunge into ice-cold water. Not here, not now, not with Yuzuru in a position where he cannot technically deny Javi… Javi’s arousal evaporates as quickly as it arrived.

He gently extricates himself from Yuzuru, pressing his palms into his shoulders. He takes in the flush on Yuzuru’s pale cheeks, the way he licks his bottom lip subconsciously when they part, and it nearly makes him fall right back into the kiss.

He clears his throat. “Yuzuru – “ he starts, but that is not right, either, is it? “I mean – is it okay if I call you that? If you prefer another name – “

“I like this one,” Yuzuru says with a tiny incline of his head, and a small smile that tugs at the corner of his lip.

“Okay… Okay. I’m – I need to get you out of here!” Javi blurts because it’s the only thing he has been able to think of since his epiphany last night.

Yuzuru’s smile turns sad and he drops his gaze to the floor. “That is impossible,” he says.

“No, look,” Javi reaches out to tilt his chin back up. “I’ve been thinking. I will go to the person that runs this place, and lay down whatever amount they ask for. I will – “ he bites his lip. “I will buy you out. Not so you can be mine!” he adds hastily, blushing. “Not for that,” he mumbles. “You will be free, I want you free, I can’t stand the thought of you here. I will do anything –“

“Javi,” Yuzuru interrupts and Javi loves the way his name sounds when Yuzuru says it, wishes only Yuzuru did not sound so crestfallen. Yuzuru’s eyes are moist as he looks at Javi, but the expression behind the unspilled tears is one of resignation. “Do you think you are the first one to try?”

Javi stares at him dumbly.

Yuzuru lets out a little sound, half-sob and half a bitter laugh. “Stix – the man who owns me – will never let me go. He will name some ridiculous sum, one nobody can pay, and keep me here. I am his,” Yuzuru says, swallowing hard, and hangs his head as if in shame. Javi wonders who this Stix person is, what he has done to Yuzuru. His hands curl into fists by his side. “I make a lot of money for him. He will keep me for as long as I am… useful,” Yuzuru finishes. Javi watches a single tear slide out of his eye, trace a shining path down his cheek.

He reaches up and wipes it away with his thumb.

“Then I will get you out of here another way. You can come with me now, even, I will sneak you out. I have a ship, we can – “

Yuzuru takes hold of Javi’s hand and guides it until it is resting in the nape of his neck.

“Can you feel that?” he asks.

Javi runs his fingers over the smooth skin there, Yuzuru’s hair tickling him as he does so. Smooth – except for a little bump, so small one could easily miss it.

“I tried running away once,” Yuzuru says quietly. “It must be a tracker of some sort. Stix always seems to know where I am. I didn’t get far,” he finishes and something in his voice, that small quiver of fear, chills Javi. He is sure an attempt at escape would not go unpunished, all things considered. His stomach turns.

“I _will_ get you out of here,” Javi tells him, his resolve strengthening as he speaks the words out loud once again. “I promise.”

Yuzuru sighs, shaking his head.

“Please,” Javi whispers. “Please, let me… let me help. I will find a way. I just need a day or two to figure it out.”

Yuzuru closes his eyes.

“Yuzuru,” Javi says, cupping Yuzuru’s head with his hands, smoothing the black hair behind Yuzuru’s ears. “I know you barely know me. I know I am a stranger to you, and you have no reason to trust me, but… When I make a plan – will you come with me?”

Yuzuru looks at him. And there it is, that glimmer of hope, a tiny flame flickering into life in Yuzuru’s eyes. “Yes,” he says, resolute. “I will.” 


	6. The Best-Laid Plans of Mice and Men

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Javi starts working on an _actual_ plan. Luckily, he will have help with the execution.

_09-03-2439. Nokta._

_He had a plan. He had studied the cameras in the work cabins, in the corridors, inside his room. He had observed the mechanisms on the doors, noted which ones opened for him and which ones didn’t. Most didn’t._

_He was free to walk as far as his room, the dining area he and several others who he assumed were also clones got their meals at, the gymnasium, which he was required to use regularly so as not to lose the body Stix claimed was the only reason he was being kept alive._

_He had a plan. All he needed was the right opportunity to execute it. When it presented itself in the form of one of Stix’s employees drinking on the job and being careless, he took his chance._

_His heart pounding, he made it out, spilling out of one of the brothel’s backdoors into a narrow alley._

_The heaviness that came crashing into him the moment he was out in the open nearly brought him to his knees. The gravity – he had not realized, he had not thought…_

_He forced himself to move, to drag his feet forward, panting for breath as he went. The polluted air tasted acrid and he could feel his lungs seize up painfully as he labored against the lead in his limbs, each step a small battle._

_He was wheezing by the time he stumbled into an even smaller side street and hid behind an abandoned container. He pulled his knees to his chest._

_Think, he told himself, think._

_His brain refused to cooperate, however. All he could think of was the oppressive weight that seemed to be slowly crushing him._

_I will die here, he realized. He expected panic, but there was none. Was dying really that much worse than the life of the past several months?_

_Then he remembered the visions from his dreams._

_Flowers, blooming in such a multitude of colors he could hardly believe it…_

_A sky that was not constantly grey like Nokta’s, but a startlingly beautiful shade of blue…_

_The ice – oh! the ice and the sense of freedom that came along with that particular image…_

_The brown eyes that seemed to smile at him, and the warmth he woke up with after seeing them in his dreams…_

_He did not want to die here._

_He pushed himself up, ignoring the pain inside his chest, the way his muscles were screaming at him as he moved._

_A suit, he needed a suit like most of the patrons in the brothel seemed to wear…_

_“Leaving so soon, YH?”_

_He froze._

_Stix’s voice was not coming from the street behind him, but from another branching alley. As if Stix had known exactly where to come looking for him._

_“Let me make this clear to you,” Stix said, walking unhurriedly towards him, a cruel smile on his face._

_He tried to move, fought the paralyzing fear, fought the heaviness, fought for his life, his freedom. A step, two, three…_

_The gravity that was so unbearably heavy for him seemed like nothing to Stix – he moved with such ease under its cloak. Then Stix lifted an arm and keyed something into the control panel on his sleeve._

_The pain that hit him was blinding, spreading from the back of his neck through his entire body, a hot flame of liquid fire licking at every limb, every cell._

_He was writhing on the floor in agony by the time Stix walked all the way up to him._

_“You are mine. You will not get out of here. I know your every move. I will kill you before I ever let you go.”_

_The blackness that swallowed him after that was a mercy._

*

_03-13-2441. Nokta._

Tomorrow, Javi had said. Or the day after at the latest. Yuzuru can barely wrap his mind around it.

Could it actually happen? Could he actually become… free?

In the pit of his stomach, the old terror stirs: a memory of pain, of the endless tears and helplessness of his punishment, of the dark desperation that had consumed him for months after his failed attempt at escape.

He shivers.

And yet he has agreed to Javi’s crazy proposal with barely a moment of hesitation. The speed with which he had decided to entrust his life into this virtual stranger’s hands surprised him.

But then again, Javi is not really a stranger. He is what has kept Yuzuru alive these past two years – the dream-induced idea of him, and of things so lovely Yuzuru could barely comprehend them, were the only refuge he had in this place. He had not allowed himself to hope it could ever be real, but now…

Now he sees the light at the end of the dark tunnel, no matter how faint it might be. Like a wild seed suddenly taking root, hope unfurls inside him. It is a wondrous thing – like the flowers he sees in some of his dreams, like the scent and sound of the ice as he steps onto it.

Yuzuru is so scared he can barely move when he thinks about his first – and last – bid at escape. But beneath his fear lies the knowledge that this is right, this is true. He trusts Javi.

Besides, he hardly has anything to lose, does he?

*

_03-13-2441. Nokta._

“Yunah,” Javi says as the image flickers into life in front of him. With a slender figure and a face so gentle Javi imagines it would do well in one of those beauty ads, Yunah is a study in deceptions. “How are you?” he asks her.

“What do you want, Javi?” she sighs, rolling her eyes.

“Can I not call an old friend without a reason?” he asks in mock offense.

“You never do, Javier, and you know it. Spill, what do you need this time?”

Javi sighs. Any other day he would keep up the pretense a little longer, but he has no time to lose now.

“Do you remember the job on I’Sheechi?” he asks.

“The one where you fucked up and I had to hack a warlord’s entire security system to get you out alive? Yeah, I do.”

Javi hangs his head. He had been new and inexperienced at his present career back then. It had not been one of his finest moments.

“You still owe me for that one,” Yunah says.

“Do you think you could do something like that again?” he looks up at Yunah’s holo projection, batting his eyelashes for good measure.

“Your puppy eyes don’t work on me, you know that,” Yunah comments dryly. “Is this for a job? Do I get a commission?”

Javi bites his lip.

“I don’t, do I,” Yunah shakes her head. “Do you honestly think I work for free, Javi?”

“No. I mean – I can pay you. How much do you want?” He thinks of the units he has available, how many of them it will cost him to obtain the things he needs, to secure himself access to Yuzuru in the coming days, how much to get to Uver D’Bargi…

“What do you need hacked?”

“Um…” Javi hesitates. “A brothel. I’d need you to kill their entire network for… maybe twenty minutes? Half an hour?”

“A brothel?” Yunah’s eyebrows jump up almost comically. She squints at Javi from the holo. “This is not for a job.” 

“No,” Javi admits. “It’s… a personal matter.”

“What, are you in love with an android prostitute?” Yunah laughs, then stops when she sees Javi’s blush. “Wait, you actually are?”

“No. I mean. Not an android,” Javi stammers. “Yunah, he’s – he’s human. He’s Terran. And he’s trapped there like a slave.” He swallows hard, his mind racing again as he thinks of Yuzuru, what he is doing now, who is touching him... “He’s the one the Oracle prophesied,” he mumbles, eyes downcast.

Yunah and him have been friends – tentative, weird, rude-to-each other always, but friends – since Javi was logging crates in cargo holds and she was doing routine ship nav’ maintenance. They mostly go their separate ways these days, but the bond is still there. Aside from Effie, Yunah is the only one in space that he feels he can actually trust.

She stares at him from the holo. “Oh Javier,” she says. “You and your fairytales. They’re going to get you in trouble, you know.” She sighs, but it is a resigned one, and Javi knows he has won.

“So you’ll do it? Please?” he asks, no longer bothering to hide the desperation in his voice.

“I’ll do it, you romantic fool,” she tells him.

“Thank you, Yunah. I cannot express how much – “

“Fuck that. You owe me three thousand units. And that’s the friendly price.”

*

With Yunah’s assistance secured, the details of their plan hashed out, Javi heads out of the port to find Nokta’s black market. With half of the planet involved in some shady business, it is not difficult to locate.

He had been stupid, really, to not think of this sooner. If Yuzuru hadn’t known about his tracker chip already, Javi would have probably gotten them both killed, trying to sneak him out.

He chides himself, once again, for acting like an idiot. He likes to think that under normal circumstances, he would have realized that of course the brothel would have some sort of extra tracker on Yuzuru, a backup in case the general security system failed and doors that were supposed to stay locked opened…

But this is not normal circumstances. He has been half out of his mind this whole time, feverish with the idea of how Yuzuru made him feel, both mad with lust and overcome with the desire to shelter him from all the harm in the galaxy. He could barely think straight, his brain awash with both the beauty of finally having found his special person, and the intense horrors that were Yuzuru’s past and present.

Not much longer, Javi tells himself to ward off the renewed wave of nausea, pushing away the persistent memory of that client he had seen fuck Yuzuru into the wall before Javi had even had a chance to meet him.

After a few cautious inquiries at the stalls that sell, aside from debatable local cuisine, an assortment of psychotropic substances, Javi heads to the alley where one can supposedly purchase all sorts of equipment of varying degrees of legality.

The storefronts boast their names half in trashy neon, half in obscure, dust-covered signage in both Noktan and Universal languages. All fake, of course – should an unwitting soul wander into this part of Nokta’s capital, they might assume the businesses here truly offer only pure oxygen booths, android replacement parts, or sex paraphernalia for any type of body and kink imaginable.

Javi knows better, of course, and several moments later, he is inside the backroom of one of the small shops.

“What kind of tracker?” the reedy shop-owner asks, black eyes ticking constantly from Javi to the door, to the shelves behind him, then back to Javi…

“I am not sure,” he admits but before the shop-owner can scold him for being stupidly uninformed, he goes on. “It’s implanted just beneath the skin, above the bottom cervical vertebra. Globular, less than ten millimeters in diameter,” he says. The shop-owner starts nodding slowly.

“It has some sort of neurotransmitter function as well,” Javi adds. Yuzuru had recounted that detail just before Javi had to leave, telling him of the pain that had seemed to lash out at every nerve, setting them on fire, when Stix had thwarted his attempt at escape.

“A pain-inducing one,” Javi goes on. He feels the anger bubble up inside him again, white and hot. _Stix,_ he thinks. _I will fucking end Stix_. “It can be activated manually, but I assume it can also be triggered if the wearer leaves the radius they are allowed to move in?”

“I see,” the shop-owner nods. “I have just the thing for you.”

The device he shows Javi is surprisingly small – it could easily fit into his suit pockets.

“The removal is done via molecular laser,” the shop-owner explains. “The benefit is that it cauterizes the wound immediately, so there won’t be any bleeding.”

“Will it hurt?” Javi asks, turning the square-ish box around in his hands.

The shop-owner gives Javi a longsuffering look before his eyes do their nervous circuit around the room once again. 

“I see,” Javi acquiesces, queasy at the thought of bringing yet more pain to Yuzuru’s life. He takes a breath. “I suppose it can be carried undetected through standard security?” he asks.

“Of course it can be carried through security! What would be the point, otherwise?!” the shop-owner snaps, clearly losing his patience. “Now, do you want to buy or not?”

*

_03-14-2441. Nokta._

It is heart wrenching to see the changes the past few days have wreaked upon Yuzuru’s face. He looks paler, his eyes are puffy and encircled by deep plum-colored rings, his lips bitten nearly raw. 

“Are you okay? You look – “ Javi says, shaking his head as he holds Yuzuru’s face in his hands, running his fingers over the soft skin of his temples, his cheeks, his chin.

“I can’t block them out anymore,” Yuzuru blurts and squeezes his eyes shut. “I used to be able to detach, not think, not feel anything. I was dead. Now you have brought me to life, and I can’t – “ A sob rips out of him and Javi pulls him close, loathing himself for causing this but at the same time so grateful that Yuzuru was willing to let him through the cracks of his shell, that he allowed Javi to get a glimpse of what lay beneath that first night.

“I’m sorry, _cariño_ ,” he mumbles into Yuzuru’s hair, his grandmother’s endearment floating up from a long-ago memory. It feels right to call Yuzuru that.

“Tomorrow,” he continues. “Tomorrow night I have booked a visit at half past midnight. I will come for you. I will take you out of here.”

Yuzuru looks up, and there is steely resolve in his eyes beneath the tears. “Okay,” he says. “What is the plan?”

*

After poring over the departure schedules for the following night, Javi contacts port authorities and requests a departure slot for his ‘tourist vessel’. He chooses a time at which three more ships are scheduled to leave, hoping to cover his tracks and confuse anyone who might want to pursue them.

That done, he goes in search of Effie. She comes running the moment he rattles the box that holds a variety of cat-snacks. He sits down on the floor and scratches behind her ears fondly, then offers her a few treats, letting her eat them out of the palm of his hand.

“I’ll be bringing a visitor tomorrow, Effie,” he tells the cat, and hopes that he is telling the truth: that tomorrow night, Yuzuru will indeed be here with them. “I hope you like him,” he says and Effie lets out a small meow. “I do. A lot. More than a lot, actually.”

Javi sighs. It is insane. He’s only met Yuzuru two days ago. Two days… and yet his heart feels as if it had been tied to Yuzuru’s for a lot longer than that. _Romantic fool_ , Yunah had called him. And when he thinks about what he is about to do tomorrow, Javi cannot help but think that she is right.

“Alright, come on,” he tells Effie and scoops her up. “Let’s go to bed.” He carries her to her transporter and puts her in, stroking her fur one last time.

“I’m sorry, sweet girl,” he says when Effie throws him the kind of indignant look only a feline is capable of. “I know you don’t like this, but it might be a wild ride.”

As he starts the hibernation cycle and watches Effie slowly drift off into the deep, unnatural sleep, Javi prays he will still be around to wake her up later. 


	7. See You On The Other Side

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Javi goes in... will he come out? Will Yuzuru?

_04-15-2425. Terra._

_“But what if – what if they didn’t know?” Javi asked his grandmother. “What if that other Javier didn’t realize he had met the one? How can you even know?”_

_His grandmother smiled fondly and reached out to ruffle his hair. “When you meet the one, Javi,” she said gently, “you will know. Trust me, you will know.”_

_Javi looked at her pensively, mulling it over. After a moment of silence, he burst out: “But then why were they not together? If they knew and if they loved each other, why would they do that?!”_

_Javi didn’t know much about love, but if it truly was as amazing as his grandmother made it sound, then how could you possibly choose to ignore it?_

_His grandmother shrugged. “I don’t really know, Javi. There are no records of that. Maybe that is how life turned out. Maybe there were obstacles. Maybe they were afraid and just couldn’t do it.”_

_Javi pursed his lips, remembering the images she had just shown him, the story of Javier and Yuzuru and the friendship that had survived the trials of fierce competition. The friendship that had clearly been meant to be more._

_“I would do anything if it was me,” he proclaimed eventually. “Anything. Even if it was scary. I would do whatever it took.”_

*****

_03-15-2441. Nokta_

Javi barely sleeps that night, nervous and excited at the same time. When he deems the hour acceptable to be considered morning rather than night, he heaves himself out of bed and goes through his familiar routine of shower, coffee, newscast, breakfast.

He wishes Effie was awake, so that he could play with her – maybe that would dispel at least some of his agitation.

Instead, he goes over the plan in his head for the millionth time, then his mind drifts to Yuzuru once again. Does he remember the details of the plan? Did he get any sleep? Is he as terrified as Javi feels? Probably more, Javi realizes.

Eventually, he stomps down the stairs to the cargo area, succumbing to the nagging worry he hasn’t been able to rid himself of ever since he decided that Yuzuru would come on board, one way or another.

He doesn’t usually check his cargo. It gives him peace of mind, lets him forget about it… Javi knows that it is reckless, of course, shipping around goods he knows nothing about. For all he knows, they could be dangerous, combustible, poisonous. He never thinks about that, though.

But this time is different. As irresponsible as he may be with his own safety, he is not about to risk Yuzuru’s.

He pulls up the coded document his contact had given him along with the crates and, after a bit of fiddling, extricates the passwords that will open the boxes. He keys in the one that corresponds to the crate right in front of him and once the crate’s indicator light flashes green, lifts the lid.

“Damn,” he whispers.

The crate is loaded with weapons. That in itself is not surprising – he is quite certain that weaponry is among the most common items that get smuggled from planet to planet. What surprises him is the make of these.

Javi is no expert, but he keeps himself up to date with the newest developments in things relevant to his line of work. Navigation systems, flight technology, hibernation… and well, guns.

He never uses them, relying on a simple stun pistol rather than its more lethal cousins, but he needs to know how to react in case he runs into someone whose moral compass is wired a little differently when it comes to killing.

These, if Javi is not mistaken, are the latest tech. Undetectable, untraceable, utterly destructive… and highly illegal, of course.

Hesitant, he lifts one of the guns out of the foam padding inside the crate. It feels surprisingly light in his hand, almost as if it was a toy for children. Javi is not fooled by its minimal heft, though. This is a harbinger of swift death.

Javi swallows, palm sweating on the grip of the weapon. He looks down at it, considering. Then he tucks it into the concealed holster inside his suit.

*

_03-16-2441. Nokta._

Javi had nearly crawled out of his skin during the day, watching the clock drag as if in slow motion. But now he is here, finally here, for what he hopes will be the last time. It is past midnight and the brothel’s bar and vestibule are teeming with patrons.

Javi had walked through the security scan with no issues whatsoever, so at least the shop-owner who sold him the device that should remove Yuzuru’s tracker had not lied about that.

The cashier clerk is the same one from Javi’s first visit at _Black Holes_.

“You again!” he says when Javi walks up to the counter to collect his pass for the slot he had previously booked. “I see you only got an hour this time – much wiser for someone who clearly can’t go all night,” he grimaces, yellowing teeth on display.

Javi just rolls his eyes. “My pass, if you will?” he says. He is trying hard to keep his poker face, sweating in his two suits. The one he had pulled on under his regular one is the thinnest make currently on the market but it is still uncomfortable. It will only stay on for his walk to Yuzuru’s cabin, though, before he passes it on to Yuzuru to wear. The suit will be a bit loose on Yuzuru’s narrower torso, but in general, it should fit.

The clerk mutters something and keys in a few commands. “You really are obsessed, aren’t you,” he tells Javi as he hands him the pass. “Oh, boss –“ he then says and turns to the man who has just emerged from the door behind the cash desk. The man has the robust frame and lizard eyes of a Noktan and is dressed in an expensive-looking dark suit. His eyes bore into Javi’s for a split second before he leans down to speak to the clerk.

_Stix_ , Javi realizes and a wave of powerful hatred surges up inside him, but he forces himself to move. This is not what he is here for. He is here to get Yuzuru out, that is the most important thing.

“Yunah?” he mouths quietly as he passes into the inner area of the brothel. “You with me?”

“I’m here,” she confirms through their comm link. “Ready to roll, as always.” Javi wishes he could share her insouciance. “I’ve wiped all the incriminating footage from their records, as requested.”

Javi sighs in relief. He could have done that part himself, but Yunah is way better at hacking than he has any hopes of ever becoming.

“Let me just say – it was pretty stupid to rattle off your name and address like that, even for you, Javier,” Yunah says and Javi can just see her rolling her eyes behind her console. Before he can say anything in his defense, she goes on.

“Though I can see why you lost your brains there for a bit,” she chuckles. “He really is quite something.”

“You watched the footage? All of it?!” Javi whispers into the comm link, a blush creeping up his neck.

“No, Javi.” Another eye-roll, Javi imagines. “Believe it or not, voyeurism is not my thing. Especially not when boys are involved,” she scoffs. “I’m watching him now. He’s waiting for you.”

Javi nods and speeds up.

A few moments later, he’s swiping his access pass, stepping from one foot to another in a nervous dance as he waits for the door to slide open.

Yuzuru looks up from where he’s sitting on the bed, smile tight but eyes warm.

“You’re off the cameras,” Yunah’s disembodied voice informs him.

“Are you ready?” Javi asks Yuzuru after pressing a light kiss to his mouth. 

“Yes,” Yuzuru nods.

“Alright, let’s do this, then,” Javi says. He strips out of his suits, then watches as Yuzuru shuffles into the thinner of the two, leaving his torso bare for now. The pants mold to his form quite nicely, hugging his thighs tightly, clinging to his backside.

“Focus, Javier,” Yunah’s voice in his ear makes him jump. He has nearly forgotten she was there, watching through the cameras, distracted as he was by Yuzuru. _And his ass. You were ogling his ass_. Yunah is right. He needs to focus. He can’t fuck this up. He takes a steadying breath.

“Okay, let’s get the tracker off first,” he says and retrieves the small squarish device from the suit pocket on his left leg. “You might want to sit down for this,” he tells Yuzuru and gently runs his hand over his nape as Yuzuru does so, combing through the black hair with his fingers. “It’s going to hurt,” Javi warns him. “I’m sorry.” 

“That’s alright,” Yuzuru replies and something about the way he says it makes Javi wonder just how many unthinkable things he’s had to get used to in this place.

“I brought a painkiller for you,” Javi says and retrieves the little bottle of spray-on anesthetic. He sprays a generous amount onto Yuzuru’s nape, coating all around the bump of the tracker chip.

“It’s working,” Yuzuru says a mere moment later, turning his head this way and that as if to verify he still can, despite the numb sensation on his skin.

“Okay,” Javi inhales. “Ready?”

“Yes, Javi. Just do it,” Yuzuru replies and bends his head forward a tad to give Javi easier access.

Javi aligns the device over where the chip is nestled under Yuzuru’s skin. His hands are trembling but he forces himself to hold the device steady as he presses the key that will activate it. It seems to attach itself somehow to Yuzuru’s flesh, suddenly clinging to his skin more tightly. Yuzuru lets out a quiet gasp at that.

A sharp sound then rings out of the device, and Yuzuru cries out. An involuntary twitch travels the length of his body.

“Are you alright?” Javi asks and lets go of the device with one hand to touch Yuzuru’s shoulder. Before Yuzuru can respond, though, the chip remover unsucks itself from his skin. Javi pulls it off immediately.

“Shit!” he curses. The chip is clearly gone, but the wound is not clean and cauterized like the vendor had claimed it would be. It’s bleeding heavily around the edges and with the device gone, the blood starts running down Yuzuru’s neck and onto the milky skin of his back.

“Molecular laser my ass,” Javi mutters. He should have known better than to trust a fucking black market vendor on a planet like Nokta.

“I’m sorry, damn, I’m so sorry. You’re bleeding,” he babbles and grabs the first thing he reaches, which happens to be Yuzuru’s discarded robe. He dabs the blue silk against the wound to stymie further bleeding.

“I can’t feel it,” Yuzuru says and looks up at Javi, reaching out with his hand to touch his neck. His fingers come off red and he stares at them in morbid fascination. “Is it really gone?” he asks, a note of disbelief in his voice. Then he shudders visibly, a ripple that seems to run all the way down to his hands.

“Shit, let me just - “

“Javi,” Yunah interrupts over the comm link. “Mind the time.”

Javi glances at the clock. Not much remains of their slot.

“Will you be able to walk? I think we should – maybe we need a new plan, cariño, I – “ All Javi can see is the blood, crimson rivulets down Yuzuru’s back, and it makes him feel like he might just faint. He’s not sensitive to blood in general, but this is different. Somehow the sight of Yuzuru hurt, bleeding and vulnerable, makes him feel light-headed, and not in the good way.

“No,” Yuzuru says resolutely. “I’m fine, Javi. The plan stands.” He extricates himself from Javi’s grasp and starts pulling up the top part of his suit, heedless of the wound as he zips it up all the way to his neck. That done, he grabs Javi’s wrists. “I can do this,” he tells him, eyes flashing with a fire Javi had not seen in them before, determined and intimidating.

“Okay, okay,” Javi nods. He hooks Yuzuru up to the comm link, pressing the minuscule earpiece into the shell of his ear. “Yunah will be with us for this, I told you about her yesterday.”

Yuzuru starts nodding, then startles, his mouth falling open for a second when Yunah speaks into his ear for the first time.

“Hi Yuzuru,” she says.

“Don’t forget the gravity equalizers before you get out,” Javi emphasizes, drawing Yuzuru’s attention back to himself. They had gone over the details yesterday using Javi’s regular suit, but Javi indicates the touch-sensitive spot that will activate them on this particular suit model. Just in case.

With that, Javi picks up the chip remover from where he had dropped it on the bed, and pulls out the tracker from inside – a blood-slick ball so minuscule Javi can hardly believe it could cause so much pain. He tosses it into the shower cubicle in the corner of the cabin.

“Ten minutes,” Yunah announces, and Javi knows he needs to leave now. His heart is slamming so hard he’s afraid it might break out of his ribcage.

“It’s time,” he says. 

Yuzuru looks a little pale, but the steely resolve is still there. Javi cradles his face with his hands, tucks a few strands of hair behind his ears. “I’ll see you on the other side,” he tells him and presses their lips together for the briefest of kisses.

It’s hard to let go, doubly so when Javi realizes that should things go awry, this might well be the last kiss, the last touch, the last glimpse of Yuzuru’s space-deep eyes.

“Javier,” Yunah warns over the comm link.

“Go, Javi,” Yuzuru says and – despite everything – smiles. Javi prays he’ll see that smile again very soon.

With that in mind, he’s out of the door, making his way towards the vestibule and the exit beyond.

The clerk eyes him suspiciously but doesn’t comment as Javi drops off his pass at the counter and leaves.

The night is muggy outside, but Javi doubts his skin feels clammy due to the humidity. He feels physically sick, stomach roiling and cold sweat running down his back in a way it never does during even the trickiest of his smuggling gigs. This is not some stupid cargo that is at stake. This is Yuzuru, who seems to hold Javi’s heart and soul in the palm of his hand. Losing Yuzuru would be worse than death.

Yunah begins the countdown in his ear: “Going dark in three, two, one – “

The lights inside _Black Holes_ flicker out, plunging the brothel into darkness.


	8. Godspeed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Javi is out. Whether Yuzuru will follow remains to be seen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am on vacation as of today, so I will be online much less than usual - which means that I will be late responding to your comments... But please know that I love reading them and will respond, just with a delay. Thank you for all your support - it makes my day that you're enjoying the world I've created here!

_03-16-2441. Nokta._

“Going dark in three, two, one – “ Yunah’s voice is calm in Yuzuru’s ear and he wishes he could borrow some of her composure. His own heart is galloping and he’s sweating under the unfamiliar fabric of the suit. The back of his neck is numb but he can feel the blood, a hot trail down the middle of his back.

When the lights go out, Yuzuru gasps, even though he knew it would happen. He hears the hiss of the door as it slides open in the darkness. And for the first time in his life, he is free to walk out of his cabin the way intended for patrons.

He steps through the door. There are panicked shouts all around as people stumble out of cabins, navigating only by the glow of the exit signage.

Yuzuru is halfway towards the exit door when the emergency lighting kicks in. He knew this would happen, too, but it still comes as a shock. He feels exposed and vulnerable walking through spaces he has previously only glimpsed through the plexiglass walls of his work cabin.

He wants to run, but that would only draw attention to him. He begins to count his steps – one, two, three, four – and forces himself to focus on the fast-paced, regular rhythm instead of the raw fear that is rearing its ugly head inside him. 

Memories of his last escape float up to the forefront of his mind and threaten to choke him as he remembers the pain, the terror, the helplessness. _I will kill you before I ever let you go_ , Stix’s cold voice rings through his mind, and the numbness seems to suddenly spread from his nape to his arms, his legs… 

“You’re good, just keep walking,” Yunah says as if she could sense that his determination has nearly started fraying.

He keeps walking, just one of several patrons hurrying towards the exit. 

The vestibule is so much brighter than the inner areas that Yuzuru has to blink, squinting like a baby owl that had just tumbled out of its nest. He wishes they could have staged his escape entirely in darkness, but Yunah had been right – a brief blackout will sow some confusion, provide a distraction, but can still be blamed on a glitch in the network. Permanent darkness would signal foul play and make the brothel’s security cinch extra tightly. 

He keeps his head bowed and keeps moving. 

“Just a bit more, cariño,” Javi whispers in his ear. Javi can’t see him, of course – Yunah is the only one with the visual feed. But Javi’s voice strengthens his resolve. He will walk out of here and be free, he will be with Javi, he will be –

He’s halfway through the vestibule, halfway to freedom, when a pair of eyes fixes on him across the open space. 

Yuzuru freezes, paralyzed, the blood in his veins turning to ice. 

“Keep going,” Yunah tells him but he can’t, he _can’t,_ he will never get out of here, he will hurt, he will die here, he will –

He gasps for breath, lungs heavy in his chest. 

Stix’s lizard-like eyes bore into his and Yuzuru almost crumples to his knees. 

“RUN!” yells Javi through the comm link. 

Javi. The thought of him jerks Yuzuru into action, tugging him forward. He moves, launches into a sprint. 

“STOP, YOU WHORE!” Stix booms behind him. His voice is terrifying, the same voice that would normally chill Yuzuru to his bones. But Yuzuru doesn’t stop. He’s running for the door, he’s going to make it, he and Javi will make it. 

In the back of his mind, he registers Javi yelling at Yunah to open and hold the door. 

And sure enough, the front door opens and stays that way, offering a glimpse of the world beyond. Yuzuru spots Javi in the garish neon lights of the street, running towards him, eyes wild. 

“I said STOP!”

The sudden grip on his bicep is iron, inhumanly strong, and Yuzuru flies backwards when Stix yanks at him. 

Out of the corner of his eye, he sees Javi pull out a gun.

Javi shoots. Stix pauses in his movement as if stung by something small and light, but then bursts into laughter. 

“Looks like your knight on a white horse won’t save you,” Stix gloats, his mouth twisted into an ugly grimace. “You are not leaving, YH!” 

Yuzuru’s vision turns red, blood boiling inside his veins. He won’t let this happen again!

He flips around in Stix’s grip. Glares at the yellow eyes that have been haunting his dreams for months and years. No more. NO MORE. 

“ _WATASHI NO NAMAE WA YUZURU!”_ he roars, words he doesn’t know the origin of and yet understands perfectly. _My name is Yuzuru!_

And with that, Yuzuru kicks out with all his might, aiming at the spot he had learned is particularly sensitive on a Noktan body. 

Stix grunts. Blinks. And with a sharp yelp lets go of Yuzuru’s arm as he bends in double in pain.

Yuzuru doesn’t wait to see what happens next. He breaks into a run and sprints for the door. 

* 

Javi drops his arm holding the stun pistol. _Of course it didn’t work on a Noktan. Of course, you stupid idiot!_ With their stronger physique, Noktans would need a blast more powerful than what Javi’s pistol could produce.

He sees, as if in slow-motion, as Stix laughs and says something. 

He watches Yuzuru’s eyes transform as he twists in Stix’s grip – they are a thing of terrifying beauty now, his gaze a force that could lay waste to entire planets, a blazing darkness meant to incinerate, destroy, obliterate anyone who dares to stand in Yuzuru’s way. 

Yuzuru screams, a mighty war cry that makes Javi’s skin prickle even though he doesn’t understand the foreign words. 

And then Yuzuru is free, barreling through the vestibule and towards Javi. 

It’s as if the world ceases to exist for a moment. All Javi can see is Yuzuru, a tempest unleashed, raging and incandescent with it. 

It is beautiful. He is beautiful.

Stix seems to recover mere moments later. He bounds after Yuzuru with a Noktan’s potent leaps, but he lags behind, his body clearly still weakened by Yuzuru’s blow. 

Then Yuzuru is through the door, rocketing into the street. 

He takes one step… and stumbles, slows, drops to his knees with a groan as if crushed by some invisible force. 

_The gravity_ , Javi realizes, and he wants to shout, wants to run to help him.

Stix is faster. He’s upon Yuzuru in a split-second, grabbing the back of his neck and picking him up as if he was a naughty kitten. 

Yuzuru screams and trashes in his grip, and Javi remembers the wound where his chip had been embedded, the blood, the pain. 

“I WILL KILL YOU,” Stix bellows and closes his other hand around Yuzuru’s throat, cutting off his air. 

Javi doesn’t think. He reaches for his gun – the _other_ gun, the _real_ gun – and looses a full-powered blast in Stix’s direction. 

The gun flashes green. The beam zaps through the air, glances past Yuzuru’s cheek, dizzyingly close, and hits Stix square in the chest. 

Except Stix is no longer there. There is only fine powder exploding into all directions, spattering Yuzuru with minuscule droplets in the characteristic purple of Noktan blood and who knows what else, decomposed to particles as small as dust. 

Yuzuru seems to hang in mid-air for a millisecond before he drops down to the ground. 

Javi gapes. 

Did he just – 

Did he actually –

His mind cannot seem to make sense of the situation. He just stands there, gun frozen in his trembling hand. Everything goes quiet. He can’t move. 

* 

“Yuzuru,” Yunah’s voice is urgent but calm. “The gravity equalizers.” 

Yuzuru’s head feels a little cottony. He guides his hand to the sleeve of his suit, though, and activates the gravity function. The crushing weight disappears almost instantly and he heaves a sigh of relief. The rest of the pain in his body remains, emanating from his neck and trickling down his nerves, but the painkiller spray is still holding it at bay.

“You need to move,” Yunah tells him. “Get Javi and move.” 

Javi. Yuzuru’s head whips up to check on him, alarmed by Yunah’s statement. Javi is standing in the middle of the street, staring blankly at the gun in his hand. He’s unhurt.

And Stix – Stix is dead. Yuzuru feels something deep inside him unclench, a fear so deep-rooted it has nearly become a part of him. 

“Stix is dead,” he whispers. He needs to speak it aloud, as if to make sure it is real. 

“Yes, he is. But there are others who will come after you, once they get over the confusion. Move.” 

Finally, his brain seems to catch up. He straightens up, ignoring the pain in his knees from where he crashed down under Nokta’s gravity, and runs towards Javi. 

“Javi,” he grabs his hand. “Come on, let’s go.” Javi looks at him but it’s as if he didn’t recognize Yuzuru, as if he didn’t even see him. 

“He’s in shock,” Yunah sighs over the comm link. “Javier!” she snaps then. “Wake up, you idiot.” 

Javi just shakes his head, staring at the spot where Stix had been just moments ago. 

“We need to go, Javi!” Yuzuru says, voice rising shrilly at the end as the danger of the situation dawns on him. Here they are, just steps away from what has been his prison for years. They need to leave.

He grabs Javi’s hand and starts tugging him along as he moves. Javi takes a few reluctant steps but his feet are dragging – it is like pulling a leaden weight. 

“Slap him out of it!” Yunah commands. 

“What?” 

“Slap. Him! In the face.” 

Yuzuru wants to protest but then he hears a commotion behind the doors of the brothel, now firmly shut, probably by Yunah’s intervention. 

He inhales, raises his arm and slaps Javi hard across the cheek. 

* 

“I’m sorry, Javi, I’m sorry.”

Javi shakes his head in confusion. Then several things register in quick succession. Yuzuru, right in front of him, face tinted pink and yellow in the flickering neons of the street. Yuzuru. In the street. They’re out – he’s out. Why are they not running? 

_Stix_ , Javi remembers, and his mind wants to snag at the memory, but he pushes it away. No time. 

Yuzuru gives his hand a tug and this time, Javi feels it, understands it. 

He breaks into a run, and Yuzuru follows. 

“About fucking time!” Yunah sounds exasperated over the comm and Javi wonders just how much time they have wasted. 

“What time – the ship!” Javi gasps in mid-stride, not enough breath to spare in his lungs as he sprints, guiding them through Nokta’s alleys. 

“14 minutes 20 seconds until your scheduled departure slot.” 

“Shit!” Javi barks out. 

“My thoughts exactly,” comes Yunah’s dry reply. 

The port is relatively close but this is going to be tight. Very tight. If they miss their slot, Javi will have to fly them out without permission, which will be dangerous, not to mention draw all kinds of undesired attention. But he is _not_ staying on Nokta another minute longer than absolutely necessary. He has to get Yuzuru out of here. They _will_ make it. 

“Take a left now,” Yunah instructs. “It’s a shortcut.” 

Javi doesn’t have the time to question her advice, just veers to the left. The fall of their footsteps echoes loudly as they run through the narrow sparsely-lit alley. 

Yuzuru’s hand feels clammy in his and Javi glances back at him. “You okay?” he asks.

“Fine,” Yuzuru wheezes. His hair is clinging to his sweaty forehead and he looks pale, lips nearly colorless, but he’s keeping pace, so Javi takes his words at face value. 

They’re already inside the port already when Yuzuru starts lagging behind. 

“Javi.” It’s just a faint whiff of air, and Javi stops in his tracks to look back at Yuzuru. “I’m not fine,” Yuzuru whispers apologetically. 

He looks like a wraith. His whole body is trembling and his fingers feel cold in Javi’s despite the muggy heat of the night. 

“Just a little more,” Javi pleads with him. “Hold on a bit longer, please.” He hoists Yuzuru’s arm over his shoulder and Yuzuru sags against him, surprisingly heavy despite his slight frame. Javi grunts and starts moving again, pulling the stumbling Yuzuru along. 

People are starting to look and Javi realizes they must be a spectacle, what with Yuzuru looking half-dead and drenched in his own red blood, plus spattered in the tell-tale purple of the Noktan variety. A bit more of this and the port authorities will notice them, and Javi certainly can’t have that. 

“Yunah,” he gasps. “Can you take us off cameras?” 

The port security will be bunked up inside their offices at this hour, monitoring the port on their holo screens rather than in real life, hopefully dozing off in front of them. 

“That’s not what I signed up for, you know,” Yunah grumbles. “A brothel is one thing. A whole fucking port…” 

“Please! Do it now!” 

The despair in Javi’s voice must convince her because a moment later, Yunah is cursing into the comm link, muttering about _fucking obsolete governmental code_. “You’re off camera,” she announces. “You have three minutes, 46 seconds.” 

Javi swears under his breath and, seeing as Yuzuru’s legs seem to have given out almost completely, he bends down and scoops him up into his arms. Oh, how he wishes he had splurged on one of those suits with strength assist! It had seemed an unnecessary add-on back then – he is a smuggler, so lifting heavy stuff is not a common occurrence, nor does he have a penchant for cheating on arm-wrestling in disreputable cantinas. 

His ship in its dock is the sweetest sight. Sweating, cursing, his arms and torso screaming in protest, Javi carries Yuzuru on board.

Yuzuru barely stirs when Javi unceremoniously plops him into one of his two hibernation crèches. Under other circumstances, this would scare Javi. But he doesn’t allow himself to dwell on it: not on Yuzuru’s shallow, barely-there breath, nor on the way his eyes roll back every few moments. 

“Emergency medical!” Javi barks the voice command. The crèche is not a med pod, it is limited in its capabilities, but it’s the only thing he’s got right now. He prays it will be enough as he sprints to the pilot deck. 

_Departure in 00:00:20!_ The large red message flashes angrily across his console, accompanied by an obnoxious beeping sound. _Departure in 00:00:19!_

Javi seats himself and quickly keys in the engine start sequence. He had input the coordinates and the course the previous day, and he is grateful for his foresight. At least one thing he did right, even though everything went awry. 

_Departure in 00:00:10!_

The engines roar to life. Javi guides the ship out of its dock at reckless speed, terrified the whole time that he’ll damage something vital as he does so. He doesn’t.

He’s pretty sure he’s breaking several traffic laws as he steers the ship towards the departure gate. 

_Departure in 00:00:03!_

“Lucky idiot,” Yunah whispers into his ear. He clears the gate, shooting through at more than twice the permitted speed. 

The engine revs, stars smearing into blurry lines across the sky. Javi grits his teeth, braces himself, and initializes the quantum leap. 


	9. The Pearly Gates of Outer Space

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Javi has successfully made it out of Nokta, Yuzuru on board. The question now is... will Yuzuru make it?

_06-29-2436. Interplanetary freighter Kresi Heavy II._

_“Why would you even want that?” Yunah asked and shook her head. “I mean, what’s so special about this one person?”_

_“I don’t know, exactly,” Javi laughed. It did sound a little ridiculous put like that, the idea of a fated love waiting for him somewhere out there in space. All he had to go on was what his grandmother had told him, the Oracle’s words… and the knowledge deep inside his heart that finding the person Fate had intended for him would be worth it._

_“It just feels amazing, I suppose? Imagine meeting someone and_ knowing _that you belong by their side. It must be reassuring, don’t you think? To know you’re exactly where you’re supposed to be, with the person you’re supposed to be with.” Javi smiled just thinking about it._

_“Sounds boring to me,” commented Yunah. “And a bit like cheating at life. Why look for just one special person when there’s so many interesting people you could meet?”_

_Javi sighed. It was difficult to explain, especially to someone as rational as Yunah._

_They lapsed into silence, with only the incessant rumble of the ship’s engines to accompany their thoughts. Javi took a swig of his beer – or whatever passed for beer on this ship; the concoction certainly had nothing in common with hops._

_“Have you considered that maybe the person you’re so hell-bent on finding might not feel the same way about you?” Yunah said after a while, expression pensive._

_Javi had, of course, not thought about that. He took another sip from his bottle, crestfallen._

_“Or even…” Yunah started, drumming the heels of her feet against the crate they were sitting on. “Let’s say you find the person, and you both fall in love. What happens if they die soon after? Will you be alone forever, then?”_

_Javi shivered despite the permanent heat of the ship’s underbelly; they were shipping temperature-sensitive cargo this time around, and it was easier to heat the whole cargo hold instead of trying to box everything into temperature-regulated crates._

_He hugged himself with his arms. “That’s – it can’t be! If this thing, this_ love _is meant to be,” he began in a trembling voice. “If Fate wanted it to happen… It wouldn’t make sense if one of us dies like that.”_

_Yunah snorted. “Fate is a bitch,” she said and Javi wondered just what had made his friend so jaded at such a young age. “It will chew you up, then spit you out, and you won’t even know what hit you until it’s too late.”_

_Yunah glanced at Javi then. She must have noticed his distress because her frown softened a bit._

_“Oh, come on, Javi,” she said and clapped him on the back. “Cheer up. You know how I am, ever the pessimist. Your fairytale will happen, I’m sure.”_

_Javi nodded, swallowing. “You’re terrible,” he informed Yunah._

_They clinked bottles and drank, laughing, talking about other things._

_Javi couldn’t sleep that night, though._

*

_03-16-2441. Furloo system._

After the constant bustle of Nokta, open space is a balm for frayed nerves – the expansive darkness, the silent drift following the dizzying rush of the quantum leap, the pinpricks of bright stars all around.

And yet, calmness evades Javi.

He had nicked in for a couple of hours right after the leap. One minute he was awake at the steering console, activating the auto-pilot and running post-leap diagnostics, the next he jerked out of uneasy sleep to realize that more than two hours had passed. It had hardly been a refreshing nap – he had woken up almost more exhausted than before.

He rubs at his face now and abandons the pilot deck to go check on Yuzuru. He finds him just as he had left him. Yuzuru is lying still in the crèche, chest rising and falling feebly. Almost like a corpse in a coffin, Javi thinks, then chases the disturbing thought away. He looks at the motionless form inside the tube of the crèche. The sight makes him ache.

“Please be alright,” he mouths and presses his hands against the glass above Yuzuru’s pale face. “Please don’t leave me before we’ve even had a chance to be together.”

Then he slides to the floor and sits leaning against the crèche with his back. He is too exhausted to cry, but he feels very much like he is shattering inside. He almost killed Yuzuru today – first with the unreliable tracker-remover, then with the shot he had fired without a single thought. The killing beam had whistled so nauseatingly close to Yuzuru’s face, it was a small wonder Yuzuru had not been reduced to a pile of bloody particles along with Stix.

Stix… It makes Javi shudder to think that he had killed a man, a living person. Stix deserved it, Javi assumes, after all he had done to Yuzuru and probably countless others. Still, it terrifies Javi how readily he had ended a life, however despicable his victim may have been. He had fired without even a moment’s hesitation. What terrifies him even more, however, is the knowledge that spreads through him now – he would do it again, and not even flinch, if Yuzuru’s safety was at stake. He would do anything to ensure Yuzuru is safe and well.

And yet here he is, with Yuzuru hovering on the precipice between life and death. Javi could not have failed more spectacularly if he tried.

Javi closes his eyes, just for a minute… just for a little bit.

He is woken up by a quiet beep from the crèche behind him. He pushes himself up to his feet and blinks sleepily at the indicators on the crèche’s display. They’re orange.

Javi stares at the little blinking lights. He presses his palms to the sides of his face as relief crashes through him.

Orange is not _good_. But it is better than the red indicating a critical state Javi had been trying to pray away over the course of the night.

Orange is _stable_. And Yuzuru’s cheeks seem to have the slightest hint of color.

Javi leans his forehead against the cool glass of the crèche. “Come back to me, cariño,” he whispers.

It takes him another hour before he finally convinces himself to move. He showers, washing off the last of Nokta’s filth. He eats, even though the food tastes like sand in his mouth. Then he goes to rouse Effie from hibernation. Frankly speaking, he needs the company, he needs Effie’s warm fur, her living form curled up against him.

Effie, however, does not seem to share Javi’s thoughts on the matter. Once awake, she jumps out of the transporter with an offended hiss, and goes to lick her fur in the corner. Javi sighs.

“You’re a meanie,” he tells her and leaves her to her washing. Still, he makes sure to set out her favorite food in hopes she will come around soon.

*

_03-17-2441. Furloo system._

Effie does come around.

Javi had just sat down with an instant coffee, and decided to take them through the Gate towards Uver D’Bargi later today, when there’s a soft little meow from behind him.

“Effie, sweet girl, have you forgiven – “

The words die in his throat when he turns around. It is not only Effie in the doorway of the living area. Yuzuru is standing there, still pale, still covered in dried blood, but alive. Gloriously, amazingly alive. He is smiling.

“Is this a feline?” he asks and strokes Effie’s fur where he holds her in his arms. She purrs contentedly and raises her head to nudge at Yuzuru’s chin with her nose. Yuzuru smiles wider.

“You’re alive” Javi whimpers. He nearly spills his coffee as he hurriedly sets it down and jumps up from the couch. “You’re alive,” he repeats to make sure that this is not another dream. Tears sting his eyes and spill out, the dam broken now. 

He covers the distance between them in two quick strides, and then he is hugging Yuzuru, pulling him close, burying his tear-streaked face in Yuzuru’s shoulder. It feels wonderfully, incredibly solid. Not a dream.

Javi had barely rested these past several days, worried as he was about their escape first, then about Yuzuru’s barely-there vital signs. Now it all comes out – the exhaustion, the anxiety, the desperation, the guilt and terror over having killed someone for the first time, over having put Yuzuru in such danger – and he sags against Yuzuru, big ugly sobs rocking through his whole body.

Effie meows, clearly disapproving of being sandwiched between them, and that breaks the spell. Javi suddenly remembers that he should be the strong one.

“How are you feeling?” he asks Yuzuru and brushes a thumb over Yuzuru’s cheek.

“I’m… I think I’m fine,” Yuzuru says after a pause. 

“Are you in pain?” Javi inquires.

“Not anymore,” Yuzuru admits and absentmindedly lifts a hand to touch his nape.

Effie meows, clearly offended that the human has dared to let his attention wander elsewhere. Yuzuru lets her down, smiling gently as he watches her pad away. Then he turns back to Javi, face serious.

“The chip is gone?” he asks. He pats around the back of his neck, flinching slightly.

Javi nods. “The remover worked. Well, that part, anyway. The chip is gone. They can’t track you.”

Yuzuru closes his eyes for a second. “For a while, it felt like it was still there, sending pain.” He shudders. “I think that’s why I fainted,” he says, a slight blush tinting his cheeks. “I’m sorry.”

Javi shakes his head. “Stop it. You did everything right.” _Unlike me,_ he thinks. 

Yuzuru shakes his head, clearly not convinced, but doesn’t dwell on it. “Either way, it doesn’t hurt like that anymore.”

“Can I see?” Javi asks, gesturing towards Yuzuru’s neck.

Yuzuru turns around to show him his back. Javi gasps at the sight. There is a sticky ribbon of red running down Yuzuru’s spine. The top part of the suit, hanging from around Yuzuru’s hips where he has stripped it off, is smudged with blood, too.

It’s old blood, Javi reminds himself, as his stomach roils and panic threatens to clog up his throat once again.

“I’m so sorry,” Javi whispers and touches Yuzuru’s shoulder blade with feather-light fingers. Upon closer inspection, the wound where the chip used to be seems to have closed a little.

“Javi?” Yuzuru looks back over his shoulder to meet his eyes. He scrunches up his nose. “Can I take a shower, please?”

*

Javi inspects the logs of the crèche’s emergency medical treatment once Yuzuru disappears into his small bathroom to cleanse off the grime and blood.

_Minor blood loss_ , it states. Javi snorts. It certainly didn’t look minor to him, but he supposes he will have to trust the read-out.

_Hypersensitive nervous system_ , the log continues. Just as Yuzuru had said. After removing the chip, his system must have been dealing with some sort of after-shocks. 

_Tissue damage in C7 cervical vertebra area._

_Exhaustion._

_Diminished lung capacity._

According to the log, a treatment of blood boosters had been administered, along with a shot of vitamins and energy-elevating supplements. Aside from that, a disinfectant and antibiotic for the wound was all the crèche could do.

Javi sighs. It does not sound life-threatening, and Yuzuru does seem stable, if a little worn around the edges, but he is still worried. He wonders if he will ever stop being worried, with Yuzuru in his life.

Remembering his hours of terror as he watched Yuzuru lie inside the crèche with no idea what else to do, Javi resolves to study up on medical topics once this is all over.

All over – Javi wonders when that will be, and hopes Yuzuru will choose to be by his side after this ordeal.

*

Yuzuru emerges from the shower dressed in the clothes Javi had offered to him – plain, comfortable items Javi likes to wear for the long hours and days of interplanetary travel when he foregoes hibernation and chooses instead to lounge around, watch the stars, play games on the holo, spend time with Effie. 

Yuzuru doesn’t look like he belongs on a smuggler ship, Javi thinks to himself when he notices how the cornflower blue of the t-shirt highlights Yuzuru’s complexion. He watches as Yuzuru wiggles his toes in the softest pair of socks Javi could find, notes how his favorite pants hang just a little too low on Yuzuru’s slender hips. 

Suddenly, they are on Terra, sitting on the terrace of the sea-side cottage Javi’s grandmother often took him to for little getaways. In his mind’s eye, he sees Yuzuru’s smile as they watch the sunset, fingers entwined. Yuzuru’s skin is glowing in the golden light, his eyes bright. That is where he belongs, looking like this, like a fantasy of a calmer, simpler existence. 

Javi blinks and pushes the thoughts away. _It is not up to you_ , he reminds himself.

Instead, he offers Yuzuru food, then berates himself for keeping such poor stock on board, even though Yuzuru eats his portion without complaint.

“Where are we now?” Yuzuru asks after he washes down his last bite with a glass of water.

“Near the Furloo Gate,” Javi tells him. Seeing Yuzuru’s frown, he adds: “About 1.830 light-years away from Nokta.”

Javi doesn’t miss the soft exhale at that, the subtle untensing of Yuzuru’s shoulders.

“I was actually going to take us through the Gate today,” Javi continues. “I have to deliver something to Uver D’Bargi, so I’d take us there. If that’s okay?”

Yuzuru looks at him in confusion, as if Javi asking for his opinion came as a surprise. Then again, it probably does. He supposes not many people did that in Black Holes. He bites back the twinge of anger the thought sparks in him.

“I’d have taken us directly there, but well, my quantum drive can only do so much. It needs an upgrade.” Javi rubs at his chin self-consciously. He loves his ship, he truly does, but some of its little quirks and limitations can be a nuisance. “It’s not too far, either way. After the Gate, it’s about ten days. I hope you don’t mind. I mean – “

“Javi,” Yuzuru interrupts and reaches for his hand across the table they are sharing. “I don’t mind,” he says gently, cupping Javi’s hand in both of his.

Javi exhales.

“Tell me about Uver D’Bargi,” Yuzuru requests with a minute squeeze to Javi’s hand.

And so Javi does. He describes the glitz and glam of the casinos, the opulence of the buildings, the eateries serving delicacies from across the galaxy. He tells Yuzuru about the shopping galleries where the rich and famous spend tens of thousands of units on flashy designer suits or gowns, which they then don for the countless social gatherings – some more public than others – that Uver D’Bargi hosts. 

He tells him of the rot, too, the ever-growing cancer that festers beneath Uver D’Bargi’s fabulous veneer: the mafia that owns half the planet, the thriving trade of black-market goods – anything from weaponry, over body enhancements of all kinds, to exotic drugs and medicines extracted from long-extinct species. He leaves out the whorehouses, the _full service spas_ , the menagerie of street workers in the planet’s darker corners, for obvious reasons. 

“Sounds like a place worth seeing,” Yuzuru concludes, intrigued. Then he lets out a small, dry laugh. “Every place sounds like a place worth seeing, I guess, after Nokta.” He bites his lip and Javi wants to kiss him, kiss away every bit of pain, show Yuzuru everything he might ever want to see until he is so full of fresh impressions that Nokta is reduced to a faint, hazy memory.

“Do you – “ Javi starts, hesitant. “Do you want to talk about it? Nokta, I mean.”

Yuzuru seems to ponder the offer for a moment, gaze fixed on where their hands are still linked on the table between them.

“Not… Not right now?” he mumbles eventually, voice frail.

Javi nods. As he watches Yuzuru’s tight expression, he vows to himself to do everything in his might to try and wipe all the horrors from Yuzuru’s mind.

*

Javi has taken the Furloo Gate several times before. It is a useful shortcut to multiple strategic corners of the galaxy, and so much more affordable than trying to traverse the distances using his quantum drive.

He has never, however, been stopped by the Gate Guard before. Not until today, when his ship is carrying a load of vastly illegal cargo and an undocumented refugee passenger.

He’s sweating already by the time the Gate Guard representative pops up on his holo for a preliminary check. If Javi is lucky, that is where it will end. If he’s not, the officer will likely want to come on board for an inspection.

Javi nearly gets a heart attack when Yuzuru chooses that very moment to step onto the pilot deck.

“Please state your purpose.” The Gate Guard officer sounds as bored as he looks as he eyes Javi through the holo.

“Tourism,” Javi replies. His ship’s registration will match the information, of course, should the Guard bother to check the official records.

The man nods. Then his eyes turn to Yuzuru.

“Where are you going?” he asks, addressing Yuzuru this time. Javi curses inwardly, and is about to step in when Yuzuru opens his mouth.

“Oh, we are just back from our _romantic getaway_ ,” he says, air-quoting the last two words. “Someone had promised to take me someplace nice,” he shoots Javi a scathing look, “but clearly didn’t do their research.” He huffs in exasperation, hands planted on his hips. Javi can barely believe his eyes.

“Believe me, officer, Nokta is _not_ a place for romance at all!” Yuzuru whines and shakes his head. “So I’m making him take me to Uver D’Bargi now, and I intend to do some very expensive shopping. At _his_ expense.” With that, Yuzuru throws Javi a sweet smile. “Isn’t that right, darling?”

Javi blinks, dumbstruck for a second. Then he catches on. “Of course, sweetheart,” he nods with the exaggerated sigh of a longsuffering boyfriend.

The officer rolls his eyes. “I see,” he says. “Have a pleasant journey, then.”

The moment the holo winks out, Javi’s jaw drops.

“What – how – “ he stutters.

“You looked a little taken aback when I walked in,” Yuzuru shrugs. “I figured I could help.”

“But how did you – where did you learn to act like that?” Javi asks. It was a full 360-degree turn, a transformation so complete and so convincing Javi would have fallen for it if he didn’t know for a fact that Yuzuru was not a spoiled jet-setting brat.

Yuzuru hunches his shoulders at that. He looks down at the floor, at his socked feet.

“I had a client, a regular one,” he says quietly. “She liked to, um…” Yuzuru sighs, and Javi nearly stops him right there and then, hating the way his features harden at the memory. “She liked to play games. Made me act out little scenarios,” he says eventually. “Among other things…”

Javi stares, and wonders, and shies away from the scenes his brain supplies.

They lapse into silence after that. Yuzuru sits down beside him in the copilot seat, and stares out at the kaleidoscope of stars as Javi guides them through the Gate.

*

“Ten days from here,” Javi tells Yuzuru. “You can go into hibernation if you prefer.” 

Yuzuru shakes his head. “I spent years in limbo. I don’t think I want to do that now.”

“Fair enough,” Javi says. He’s secretly glad – this way, they will have more time together before the moment of truth. “Would you like to sleep a bit now, though?” he asks, noticing Yuzuru’s slightly drooping eyelids. At his words, Yuzuru’s jaw distorts with a barely suppressed yawn, as if the mere mention of sleep induced a profound tiredness. It is no wonder, really, after everything he has been through recently.

“Come on, let me show you,” Javi tells him. He extends a hand and Yuzuru takes it, following Javi through to the back of the ship. “There’s two cabins. You can take mine,” he tells Yuzuru, suddenly awkward. “It’s more comfortable than the other one. I can take that one, so you can, um, have privacy?”

Javi feels like a bumbling idiot, but he cannot help it. Yes, he’s held Yuzuru before. He’s kissed and touched him. He’s desired him more than he remembers wanting anyone else before. He still does, he wants to do all these things – hold him, kiss him, touch him… and more. But this is different. Now Yuzuru is free, truly free. And Javi would rather die than make him do something that he might not have chosen otherwise.

“Javi,” Yuzuru says, and the gentleness in his voice makes Javi look up. The sincerity in his dark eyes eyes, the tiny upward lift in the corner of Yuzuru’s mouth – it touches something deep inside Javi’s heart. Yuzuru looks both sad and content, somehow, and so fragile Javi just wants to cradle him in his arms.

“Please stay with me,” Yuzuru says simply.

And Javi does, a thousand butterflies fluttering in his stomach when he lies there moments later, arms securely wrapped around Yuzuru’s chest. He watches Yuzuru drift off to sleep, fascinated by the way his face softens, the way his mouth falls open with deepened breaths, the way he grows heavy in Javi’s embrace.

“Good night, amor,” Javi whispers and presses a tender kiss above the wound at Yuzuru’s nape. “Sweet dreams.”


	10. Uncaged

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yuzuru learns more about himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **I got fanart!!!**  
>  Please check out the amazing pieces that my friend Bea drew for Chapter 2 (Javi's first glimpse of Yuzu): 
> 
> [Yuzuru](https://imgur.com/a/V9tIGkl)
> 
> [Javi](https://imgur.com/a/5TQjDPq)
> 
> I will later add these to the appropriate chapter. 
> 
> Bea, darling, thank you so much for drawing these amazing pieces for me, and for allowing me to share them! You are a goddess!

_04-15-2425. Terra._

_“I would do anything if it was me,” Javi proclaimed, remembering the images his grandmother had shown him, the story of Javier and Yuzuru and the friendship that had been meant to be more. “Anything. Even if it was scary. I would do whatever it took.”_

_His grandmother smiled at him indulgently. “You would, my brave one,” she said and petted his hair. “But love is complicated sometimes.”_

_Javi pondered this. It still didn’t make any sense. “And Yuzuru – shouldn’t he have fought harder? Did he just let the other Javi go? Just like that?” he asked, shaking his head in disbelief. Then a thought occurred to him. “Were they both such… such cowards?”_

_His grandmother frowned. “Don’t say that, cariño, please,” she chided. Then she sighed. “Do you remember_ _Roni?”_

_Javi nodded. Of course he remembered Roni. Roni was a bird he had found in the garden last year, with a broken wing. Together, he and his grandmother had nursed it back to health – they even got a portable med-pod from a veterinarian, so that it could mend the bird’s fractured bone. Javi had wanted to keep Roni, but the bird was not used to cages and would just dash itself against the bars. Javi had shed many tears over it but in the end, agreed to let Roni fly._

_“Well, love can be like that. When you truly love someone, sometimes it is best to let them go.”_

_“But then they’re gone!” Javi protested._

_“That they are,” agreed his grandmother. “But sometimes they are also happier, like Roni.”_

_“That’s sad,” Javi pouted, shoulders drooping._

_“Sometimes love is like that,” his grandmother conceded. “But sometimes,” she said and the sudden brightness in her voice made Javi look up expectantly, “sometimes you let your love fly… and they choose to come back to you. And that is the best feeling in the world.”_

_*_

_03-19-2441 – 03-25-2441. Rayo I private vessel._

They drift through empty space, engines constantly humming as they propel the ship steadily forward towards Uver D’Bargi.

It is new, but pleasant, to have actual human company on board. Yuzuru likes to spend a lot of time just watching the stars from the pilot deck, Effie curled up in his lap. But just as much, he seems to like engaging Javi in conversation about the things he has read about.

_Have you ever visited the temples on New Thyoph?_

_Is it true the sky changes color with the seasons on Suttung?_

_Do the Atarrans really have tentacles instead of hands?_

And always: _Tell me about Terra!_

Javi indulges him, enjoying Yuzuru’s curiosity and his reactions when he describes places he has visited, things he has seen. He is also constantly impressed with the amount of knowledge Yuzuru seems to have amassed without ever having left Nokta.

“I didn’t have much else to do for distraction,” Yuzuru tells him with a shrug when Javi compliments him on that, and Javi goes silent as he imagines what that must have been like – nothing but holo encyclopedias, documentaries, and old newscasts to keep at bay the horrors of the brothel.

They do not talk about Nokta, not during the day.

At night Yuzuru curls up in Javi’s arms and sleeps peacefully for a couple of hours, only to wake up in the middle of the night, often with tears in his eyes and his heart pounding, his hand white-knuckled as he clutches at Javi’s shoulder.

They do talk at those times, or rather Yuzuru does, recounting in choked whispers memories that make Javi’s hair stand on end. He feels out of his depth when he tries to soothe Yuzuru by whispering soft nonsense into his ear, smooth away the pain with his palms on Yuzuru’s back, his fingers in Yuzuru’s hair, his lips on his forehead. It seems to calm him, lull him back to sleep, but Javi swears to himself that he will get Yuzuru someone to talk to, someone who knows what to say and how to bring about some real healing.

In light of all this, Javi feels so incredibly guilty and conflicted – because even though he vows not to act on it, he still _wants_ Yuzuru. He craves his lips, his kisses, his taste. He wants those sweet moans he’d heard that first time, pleasuring Yuzuru. He feels nearly dizzy with desire every time he wakes up with Yuzuru fitted so closely against him that Javi can feel his heartbeat through the thin t-shirt Yuzuru has taken to liking. He nearly loses his mind in those early morning moments, with Yuzuru resting in the curve Javi’s body, ass pressed against Javi’s morning hard-on.

Javi doesn’t act on it.

And neither does Yuzuru.

Javi wonders if they ever will be able to have that, after everything that Yuzuru has been through. He decides it doesn’t matter for now because he’s living on borrowed time, anyway. He will have to set Yuzuru free, allow him to unfurl his wings... 

After Uver D’Bargi, Javi tells himself. Just a little longer, a few more precious days that – even without physical intimacy – feel more complete than any other time prior.

*

_03-26-2441. Uver D’Bargi system._

They are a day out, and it shows – the star-strewn sky is becoming increasingly cluttered with other ships, satellites, bits and pieces of planetary debris that have not yet been cleaned off properly.

Yuzuru is standing in front of the large observation panel on the pilot deck, arms crossed over his chest as if he was hugging himself.

“Everything alright?” Javi asks when he comes to join him. He has just adjusted the coordinates, obtained permission from Uver D’Bargi’s port authorities for tomorrow’s entry, and verified the handover location and time with his Uver D’Bargi-based client.

“It is strange, you know,” says Yuzuru and his eyes are wistful when he turns to look at Javi. “Here I am, in space. But I have no idea who I am, where I even came from… I have no idea where I belong.”

He looks so sad and lost that Javi just wants to embrace him. Instead, he draws a breath and finally makes the decision he’s been mulling over for several days now.

“Come with me. I need to show you something.” He holds out a hand for Yuzuru and Yuzuru takes it, brushing a thumb over the top of Javi’s hand as he does. It makes Javi shiver.

Together, they walk to the living area and Javi starts the holo projector, keying a few commands into the console.

“You might want to sit down for this,” Javi tells Yuzuru and waits for him to settle on the couch before he calls up the old footage he had dug up from the network a few days earlier. He joins Yuzuru on the couch and starts the projection.

Instead of watching the ancient 2D video on the holo, though, he watches Yuzuru’s face as it starts playing.

“What – “ Yuzuru manages, eyes glued to the holo. Then he gasps in shock. Javi looks up briefly at the holo, which is now showing a close-up of a face. Against the vividly purple background, the features stand out even on the old, low quality recording. It really is striking, he realizes, looking from the face on the screen to Yuzuru’s flesh-and-blood one. Every line, every curve, every freckle is exactly the same.

“That’s – my dreams – “ Yuzuru stammers, but then quiets down as the performance gets underway to the sound of flute and drums. Javi knows exactly what it is like, having watched it several times over the past few days, in private. Powerful and captivating, the utter mastery of the ancient Yuzuru Hanyu is obvious even to someone who knows nothing about the technicalities of Terra’s old sport.

Yuzuru is crying before the performance is even over, covering his mouth with his hand as tears flow freely down his cheeks.

The video ends.

“What – how?” Yuzuru whispers and turns to Javi, gripping his knee and squeezing. “Who is that?” he asks, his face full of disbelief and wonder.

“That,” Javi nods towards the screen and gently covers Yuzuru’s hand with his own. “That is who you are – or were, in your original life.” And he tells him everything he knows, everything his grandmother had told him of the original Yuzuru, as well as all the additional details Javi had dug up from the network. “Your dreams are probably not simply dreams, but memories, or echoes of memories,” he adds. It is an educated guess based on some articles on cloning theory that he has read through. 

He shows Yuzuru another video, a performance in a dimmed arena, a single spotlight following the other Yuzuru around the ice as he seems to float above it, weightless, a dying swan on its pond.

“I… I did _that_?” Yuzuru asks then, and there is awe in his voice, his eyes filled with longing as he gazes up at the holo.

“You did,” Javi confirms. “You were the best there’s ever been.”

Yuzuru closes his eyes, face hovering between sadness and – happiness? Could it be? The smallest of smiles tugs at his lips even as tears continue spilling from beneath his eyelashes.

Javi pulls Yuzuru into his arms, letting him weep into his shoulder for a few minutes. When Yuzuru’s breathing evens out, Javi bites his lip, wondering whether to proceed. In the end, he speaks up because Yuzuru deserves to know the full truth.

“If you’re ready – there’s one more thing I want to show you,” Javi says gently.

Yuzuru lifts his head and looks at Javi. His eyes are still moist, but he nods anyway. “Okay,” he says and turns back to the holo.

Javi calls up the image. The one his grandmother had shown him, of the other Javi and the original Yuzuru standing together at the edge of the ice. PyeongChang 2018, the Olympic games where, as Javi later learned, Yuzuru had won the second of his three Olympic golds, while his own ancestor had claimed bronze.

Yuzuru stands up from the couch, stepping closer to the projection to study it, reaching out a hand to touch it – his fingers go right through the holo, sliding through ancient Javi’s face. Yuzuru shakes his head. 

“How is this possible? What is this?” he asks, turning to Javi. “This is – he looks like you.”

“He does,” Javi agrees. He recounts the rest of the story his grandmother had told him when he was ten years old – a story of rivalry, and friendship, and shared dreams… 

He omits the love part, though, because he feels like that wouldn’t be fair towards Yuzuru – putting pressure on him, surreptitiously pushing him towards a specific decision where Javi is concerned. Javi doesn’t want that. He wants Yuzuru – this Yuzuru – to make his choices without the weight of the past on his shoulders, without prophecies, and pointers, and the notion of Fate.

Yuzuru looks at the photo for several more minutes.

“Javi…” he whispers then, voice soft and reverent almost. “Were you – were you looking for me?”

Javi opens his mouth to speak. No, he wants to say, he had not been looking for Yuzuru specifically. But then he thinks about it. Thinks back to the first time he had seen an image of the original Yuzuru, at the tender age of ten, and found him beautiful. He remembers all these years on Terra, and later in space, searching for that special connection, for _someone_ special.

Javi he realizes that even if he hadn’t known it would be Yuzuru, he had been, truly, looking for him all this time.

“Yes,” he answers, and cannot help but smile, feeling as if he had just swallowed a spoonful of honey, sweet and warm. “Yes.”

The smile that blooms on Yuzuru’s face in response takes Javi’s breath away. It is like the sun breaking from the clouds after a storm.

“Thank you,” Yuzuru says. “For finding me.” And with that, Yuzuru kisses him, soft and sweet like the first drops of dew on a spring morning on Terra.

It feels like falling, floating in zero-gravity, his sense of space completely lost and irrelevant when Yuzuru licks into his mouth, tongue hot and unafraid.

They stumble towards Javi’s cabin and into Javi’s bed, lip-locked and breathless. Yuzuru’s hands are on his skin, under his clothes, burning and skillful as he undresses Javi before pulling off his own clothes.

“Is this okay?” Javi asks, over and over, as he lets his hands and lips and tongue wander – across the smooth plane of Yuzuru’s chest, flicking over the hard nubs of his nipples, traveling down his firm abdomen. 

“Can I do this?” he mumbles before he pulls Yuzuru’s thighs open, dropping kisses on the tender skin on their insides as he does so. 

“Is it okay if I – “ Javi breathes, Yuzuru quivering under him, letting Javi taste him, all of him.

“Yes.” And: “Yes.” And: “Yes, please.” Yuzuru chants his consent, head rolling back against the pillows. His fingers thread into Javi’s curls, thighs falling further apart to grant Javi access to all the secrets of his body, inviting first Javi’s tongue, then his lube-slicked fingers inside.

“Do you want this?” Javi’s voice is trembling, strained, but he asks anyway and stops himself from moving any further.

Yuzuru’s eyes fly open, black and burning under the curved sweep of eyelashes, and Javi feels like he could come just from Yuzuru looking at him like that, like he wants to devour him.

Then Yuzuru rolls them over, reversing their positions, Javi now on his back with Yuzuru’s weight pinning him down.

“Yes,” Yuzuru says and his eyes never leave Javi’s as he climbs up his body, straddling him, palms braced against Javi’s chest.

“Yes,” he repeats as he positions himself, gripping Javi with his slender hands and guiding him in. 

“Ah, yes,” he moans when he’s fully seated, hot and tight and _so good_ around Javi.

Then they are kissing again, Yuzuru bending down to reclaim Javi’s mouth as they move together. Javi can’t think, can’t focus on anything but the feel and scent and taste of Yuzuru everywhere: in his nostrils, on his tongue, around his length, inside his very heart and soul.

“Oh yes, oh, oh, oh, Javi!” The words flow out of Yuzuru, incoherent and feverish, when he succumbs to his pleasure moments later, riding it out, his nails leaving traces on Javi’s skin as he spills himself onto Javi’s stomach.

It is too much, Yuzuru spasming all around him, resplendent in his ecstasy, and Javi lets go, finally, lost and blinded by the glory of Yuzuru _wanting_ him, _needing him_ as badly as Javi wants and needs him.

And just like that, Javi knows that no matter what happens _after_ , or further in the future, he will never want anyone else. 


	11. This is My Hand, Take it Now

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Javi and Yuzuru discover Uver D'Bargi and discuss their future.

_03-27-2441. Uver D’Bargi system._

It still feels like a dream – like one of those countless dreams that were his refuge for so long, one of those dreams full of gentle touches, embraces, smiles, one of those dreams that he now knows were not only dreams, but rather memories belonging to a Yuzuru who lived hundreds of years ago and had a Javi in his life.

Now he has a Javi as well, his own Javi, and it is almost too good to believe. He rolls onto his side to be able to see Javi, still asleep beside him. He reaches out to touch him, run his fingers through Javi’s curls just to make sure he is real.

Javi sighs contentedly under his touch and Yuzuru smiles. It is still so new, this – interacting with another person and feeling like he _wants_ to do it, even though he doesn’t have to. It was a wonder to discover his own pleasure, how deep it could run, flooding not only his body with delicious sensation but –perhaps even more so – his heart and soul.

He looks at Javi, at his parted lips as he slumbers, his strong shoulders and muscular chest, at the trail running down from his lower belly until it disappears under the sheet that’s loosely thrown over both their naked bodies. He looks at him and he _wants_.

This is also a new thing, this desire, this craving for someone. He props himself up on his forearm and lets his free hand come to rest in the middle of Javi’s chest, feeling the soothing heartbeat underneath his palm. He has never felt as safe as he does in Javi’s presence, and it makes Yuzuru bold, this knowledge that he is free to explore all these things now – desire, lust, wanting…

He runs his hand down Javi’s stomach, and under the sheet, lifting it gently before he pushes it aside, drinking in the sight of Javi’s nakedness. Javi stirs, a small smile tugging at his lips, but he doesn’t open his eyes.

Yuzuru leans over and traces the same path with his mouth, leaving open-lipped kisses along Javi’s chest and abdomen, arousal fluttering inside him as he does so. Javi mumbles something and his hand comes up to find Yuzuru’s head. He lightly combs his fingers through his hair and sighs sweetly. The sigh turns into a gasp when Yuzuru drags the tip of his tongue down Javi’s half-hard length. The fingers in his hair twitch, but don’t pull, just there, just steady, a reminder that Javi wants this, too.

Yuzuru never thought bringing satisfaction to another person could be so intoxicating, but as he takes Javi into his mouth and feels him harden against his tongue, Yuzuru is surprised by the way his own pleasure swells. It had always been mechanical with his clients, a job to be done and forgotten as fast as it possibly could be. Now he relishes it, the taste of Javi, the fullness in his mouth and throat as he takes Javi deeper, the desperate little noises Javi makes when Yuzuru pulls off almost entirely only to swallow him back in in one smooth move.

He basks in the glory of Javi’s arousal – _for me, this is just for me,_ _I can do this to him_! He revels in the way Javi finally loses control, snapping his hips up without finesse, all tender restraint gone as he fucks into Yuzuru’s eager mouth, hand curled almost painfully in his hair.

_Yes! Lose yourself in me, for me, until you can’t even remember your name._ Yuzuru feels powerful and giddy with it when Javi comes with a delirious cry. The shape of Yuzuru’s name on Javi’s lips as he finds his release is the sweetest testament to Yuzuru’s claim to Javi’s body and mind.

Then Javi opens his eyes and smiles at him groggily, body languid and sated as Yuzuru comes up to kiss him on the lips. His hand curls around Yuzuru’s wrist so he can tug him closer. “Good morning,” he mumbles, voice thick with sleep and sex.

In that moment, Yuzuru realizes that it is not only pleasure, and the joy of giving it, that he has now discovered. He finally understands the abstract concepts he had only glimpsed until now, too – affection, tenderness. Love. And with it comes another realization. All these emotions and feelings… he’s no longer afraid of them, no longer feels the urge to stomp them out and isolate himself from them, to pull the shutters closed. They can no longer hurt him. He is free.

*

_03-28-2441. Uver D’Bargi._

Uver D’Bargi is as flashy on the ground as it looks from space. The organic shapes of the high-rise buildings glitter in the light of the planet’s binary suns, the larger-than-life models on the holo advertisements promise scintillating experiences, and the gurgling of the terraced public fountains mingles with the sounds of constant chatter from the many bars and restaurants lining Uver D’Bargi’s main avenues. _Golden Planet,_ Uver D’Bargi is nicknamed by those who know nothing of the darkness beneath the planet’s shiny veneer. It certainly lives up to its name at first glimpse.

Javi has been here several times before, so instead of watching the goings-on on and above the streets, Javi chooses to watch Yuzuru instead as they walk side by side. The wide-eyed wonder with which Yuzuru takes in the many marvels all around them makes Javi smile. It also makes him wonder how Yuzuru would like Terra, with its simpler structures, strictly regulated and limited aircar traffic, but infinitely richer natural sceneries. Would it look plain to him after Uver D’Bargi? Somehow, Javi doesn’t think so.

Having delivered his cargo and received his payment the previous day, Javi had transferred four-thousand units to Yunah.

_Generous, Javier!_ , she had commented in the message she had sent back. _But considering you’d both be dead without me, it is still a meager reward. You’re lucky that Yuzuru is cute and deserves better, otherwise I’d have left you there._

Javi had just smiled at Yunah’s antics. She is a good friend. Now he smiles again, amused, when he notices the way Yuzuru’s gaze is drawn to the shop window displaying figure-fitting outfits encrusted with sparkling stones.

“Come on, let’s buy you some clothes,” Javi says and takes Yuzuru’s hand.   


“No, I – this is not for me,” Yuzuru protests, even though Javi can see the way his eyes light up at the sight.

“I’m not buying you these,” Javi chuckles. “I think they’re a little out of my budget.” It is the kind of boutique eccentric celebrities might outfit themselves at for public appearances. On second thought, though, he can imagine Yuzuru in such a get-up – in fact, the clothes are not that far from what he remembers seeing in the videos of the original Yuzuru’s performances.

The clothes Yuzuru chooses in the end are a lot plainer, but they hug his body nicely, much nicer than Javi’s clothes had, and Javi catches himself being distracted by more than Yuzuru’s amazement at each new sight as they continue on towards their next destination.

Leaving behind the glitzy main avenues, Javi takes Yuzuru on a detour he’d rather not make. It leads them dangerously close to one of Uver D’Bargi’s black markets and also the infamous pleasure district. But it is an inevitable errand. Javi would have ran it on his own, but unfortunately, Yuzuru’s presence is required.

Once they are past the unassuming house front and the entirely unsuspicious ante-room, the forger gets to work. He takes Yuzuru’s retina scans and captures his fingerprints on a tablet-like device, then asks Yuzuru to stand in front of a larger panel so he can complete the holo scan of his face.

The man is good at his craft. Javi had used his services before, so he knows for a fact that the fake documents will be reliable and withstand the scrutiny of the various officials Yuzuru might encounter in the future, at least until he can get an official set.

Getting his registration sorted out, however, would involve a lot of uncomfortable admissions and explanations. Quite possibly, it would mean taking a stand in court and, probably, in the media. Yuzuru had asked Javi about that early on, during the hours they would both lie awake, holding each other while Yuzuru sobbed and shivered. _What can I do so that this doesn’t happen to others? There were others there, Javi, in Black Holes. Others like me. What can I do to free them?_

_Speak up_ , Javi had told him, _go to the Galactic Court, the media._ _It will be… unpleasant. Hard._

Yuzuru had been silent for long moments then, eyes closed as he forced himself to breathe evenly.

_I will do it,_ he had whispered eventually, resolute. _But maybe… maybe a little later._ It had been a guilt-ridden statement, as if Yuzuru thought it an admission of weakness, as if he was not doing enough.

_It’s okay. You are so brave. But take your time_ , was all Javi could say as he held Yuzuru until sleep came back to him.

And so here they are, squinting up at the holo preview of Yuzuru’s new fake identification.

_Yuzuru Hanyu_ , the ID reads in Universal, as well as Terran.

_Date of Birth: 12-07-2418_

_Place of Birth: Terra, Sol System_

“Ready for the implant?” the forger asks, his steely blue face impassive, as if he was entirely unconcerned with Yuzuru’s obvious discomfort.

Yuzuru nods and sits down on the stool the forger points to, then bares his right shoulder as instructed. He looks away from the procedure, though, eyes fixed on Javi’s face as the forger efficiently inserts the microscopic chip just under his skin, then seals the incision with a surgical laser.

“It’s alright,” Javi whispers and squeezes Yuzuru’s hand. “This is not like the other one.”

Yuzuru nods, but he still looks queasy. Just about as queasy as Javi feels now, watching his beautiful face, wondering how much longer he’ll be able to look at it. Here he is, equipping Yuzuru for the journey forward, no matter where it will lead.

_Please stay, please stay_ – it has become a mantra in Javi’s mind, growing louder and louder since he woke up this morning to Yuzuru’s touches and kisses. _Please stay_. He assumes that that is up to Yuzuru, now. Javi can only make sure to give Yuzuru everything he may need, should he decide _not_ to stay. He will make sure Yuzuru is completely free, even if the thought of him leaving makes everything inside Javi panic.

Yuzuru seems a little pale after the visit to the forger’s lab, so Javi buys him lunch – the real, freshly-cooked kind made of actual organic matter, not the synthetic, nutritious fare he’d normally get for himself. He follows it up with a box of assorted chocolates that costs almost as much as the lunch. When Yuzuru carefully bites into the first one, and his curious expression almost immediately transforms into one of delighted bliss, Javi decides it was money well spent.

“This is so good!” Yuzuru moans around the chocolate – a dark truffle filled with Suttungian ‘Pink Sky’ berry, if the description on the box is to be believed. His eyes flutter closed as he savors the taste. “Is this what chocolate is always like? Like… like instant happiness in your mouth?”

Javi laughs. “Well, not always. I guess it depends on the chocolate. But good chocolate is usually like this, yeah.”

Then it hits him, even distracted as he is by Yuzuru licking off some cocoa dusting from his fingers.

“Wait – you’ve never had chocolate before?” he asks, stunned.

Yuzuru deflates a little at that, and Javi wants to kick himself.

“It is a luxury. Non-essential for nutrition.” Yuzuru shrugs. “This is the first chocolate I’ve ever had,” he tells Javi. And then his smile is back, a little dimmed, but still dazzling. “Can I have another one, please?”

“You can have them all,” Javi says. _You can have anything you want_ , he wants to tell Yuzuru. _Any pleasure, any delight you can think of. It is yours._ “When we go to – “ he starts, but stops himself.

_When we go to Terra,_ he wanted to say. _When we go to Terra, I will make you hot chocolate the way my grandmother used to – rich and thick, with frothy whipped cream on top_.

But he doesn’t say any of it, cold fear coming alive inside him. Just a few more hours, and then… then he must do it, set Yuzuru free for real.

*

_03-28-2441. Uver D’Bargi. On board of Rayo I private vessel._

Something is off. Yuzuru’s mind is still buzzing with all the impressions of Uver D’Bargi, and his body feels a little weightless in the afterglow of the sex Javi and him just had, but he can sense it, see it.

He has spent long enough reading client’s faces and bodies for clues. It was a matter of his own personal safety and well-being, making sure he did what the client expected, avoiding actions that might trigger a client’s violent streak.

What he reads in Javi now is an anxious sort of energy, a discomfort that makes Javi’s eyes dart away every time they collide with Yuzuru’s. It unsettles Yuzuru, makes him wonder what he’s done to bring this about…

“So…” Javi begins, chewing at his bottom lip. He sits up in the bed, untangling himself from Yuzuru as he does so. Yuzuru follows suit, instantly missing the warmth of Javi’s body, the comfort of his arms.

“So, what would you like to do next?” Javi asks and finally meets Yuzuru’s gaze. He looks terrified. Yuzuru doesn’t understand, can’t imagine why. He reaches out for Javi’s hand on instinct, and decides to go for the light, easy answer.

“I don’t know. Sleep? Or maybe,” he lets his lip curl up suggestively, “maybe we could rest for a while, and then do this again?”

It is still shocks Yuzuru just how insatiable his need for Javi seems to be. He’d be glad to spend all night like this, losing himself in Javi’s scent, taste and feel until he can’t tell anymore where he ends and Javi begins. It shocks him, but it feels right, like this is what sex is supposed to be like, and he just never knew.

Javi laughs at little, eyes briefly straying to Yuzuru’s naked body. It is not the real laugh Yuzuru has heard from Javi these past several days, though, not the one that bubbles up from deep inside Javi’s belly.

“That would be nice,” Javi says. “But I meant _after_.”

Yuzuru’s puzzlement must show on his face because Javi sighs and elaborates.

“We are done here on Uver D’Bargi.”

Yuzuru nods. “I liked it,” he says, squeezing Javi’s hand. And he did. Uver D’Bargi is not what he thinks he would like best, but it did seem interesting, so full of… everything. A feast for his starved mind, intense to the point where it was almost overwhelming.

“You could… stay here. If you want,” Javi says quietly. “Or I can take you anyplace else that you’d like. I’d help you, of course. I don’t have that much, but I could set you up with enough so that you could, um… s-start a life. Start something new.” Javi’s eyes are downcast now, fixated on their linked hands. “Anything you need.”

“What – what do you mean?” Yuzuru’s voice comes out strained, but it is a wonder it comes out at all. He feels like he is drowning in icy water, like he can’t breathe, fear closing in around him from all sides like a suffocating cocoon. It hurts, too. It is a pain deep inside his chest, sharp and tearing, like nothing he has ever experienced before.

“I told you you’d be free,” Javi says. “I meant it. You are free to go, to do whatever you – “

“Do you – “ It is just a whimper, small and wounded. Yuzuru feels like something inside him is breaking, thinly healed cracks coming apart again. All he can think of is losing this, after just having found it. It is unbearable. “Is that why you got me the clothes? And this?” he touches his shoulder with the ID marker now embedded in it. “Do you not want me anymore, Javi?”

Javi’s head snaps up at that. His eyes are wild, frantic. “Of course I want you!” Javi says forcefully, even though his voice is shaking. “I want you – “ he begins, swallows, tries again: “I want you for the rest of my life, and beyond.”

Yuzuru stares at him. He focuses on his breathing instead of his rapid heartbeat. In, out. In, out. It steadies him somewhat.

“I want you, amor, and nothing will ever change that. But you are free to choose. You are free to go whenever you want. You’re not mine to keep and if – “

“I am yours,” Yuzuru interrupts. He brings Javi’s hand up to his lips to plant a kiss into his palm. “And I choose you.”

Javi blinks, gaping mutely for a second. Then he kisses him, all ragged breath and trembling fingers at Yuzuru’s nape. Yuzuru tastes salt – his own tears, he realizes, which he hadn’t even noticed. It is confusing to feel so much, all at once, but it is also exhilarating in a way, liberating.

Eventually they part to catch their breath. This time, Javi’s laugh is true. “Still – where would you like to go?” he asks, running his thumb over Yuzuru’s cheek.

Yuzuru doesn’t need to think long. It has been growing inside him for a while now, this persistent idea, a different type of craving, but just as deep and intense.

“Take me to Terra, Javi,” he requests. “Take us home.”


	12. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Back to Terra. The story ends for Javi and Yuzuru... both pairs of them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you, dear readers, for taking this journey with me, all the way through to the end! Thank you for all your comments and kind words and kudos! <3
> 
> I hope you enjoyed reading this fic as much as I enjoyed writing it. I already know I'll miss space Javi & Yuzu, but it's time to say goodbye to them. I hope the epilogue will make the parting a bit easier. :)

**_Epilogue I_ **

_04-10-2441. Terra._

Everything looks beautiful from space. But Terra, Javi realizes, still holds a special place in his heart. It is a place of memories both good and bad, a place to come back to. It doesn’t feel like home, not quite, hasn’t felt that way in a long while, but Javi has a feeling that maybe it could become home again.

“It’s so blue!” Yuzuru exclaims beside him, voice full of excitement, and Javi cannot wait to show him all the shades of Terra’s blues: the cerulean of a cloudless sky, the enticing lapis blue of the sea on a windless day, the mysterious indigo of dusk.

Beneath them, Terra’s orb slowly morphs into vague outlines of landscapes – landmasses and oceans, mountain ranges and deserts, rivers and forests.

“Welcome to Terra,” Javi says with a smile as he begins the final descent towards the planet.

*

The seaside cottage his grandmother had bequeathed to him is just as Javi remembers, and he is hit by a wave of nostalgia as he leads Yuzuru inside.

It seems like only yesterday that he was eating oranges on the terrace with his grandmother, or splashing in the waves with the local boys while she prepared them sandwiches for lunch.

Now it is his, a place to make new memories.

_So that you always have a place to come back to,_ his grandmother had told him after explaining she had changed her will to pass on the centuries-old family property to him. _So that you can go find your star, but always have a home here on Terra._

Home…

It takes a while, but slowly, quietly, it begins to feel like one.

It is the little things that make it so.

It is Yuzuru humming to himself as he watches the waves from the porch, a purring Effie in his lap.

It is sitting in a bathtub full of bubbles while Yuzuru giggles and piles foam on top of Javi’s head, then proceeds to kiss Javi – wet, slick, and slow. It is splashing water and citrus-scented bubbles all over the bathroom when the kisses turn heated, and Javi realizes that they need a bigger tub.

It feels a lot like home, the scent of real Terran coffee in the mornings, and Yuzuru’s pouting about the bitter taste of it. It quickly becomes routine, Yuzuru complaining about the coffee until Javi relents and makes him a cup of hot chocolate instead, pressing the mug into his hands and a kiss to his lips.

It feels cosy, familiar… but also fresh, and new.

New, like watching Yuzuru discover all the things he’s never done, seen, or tasted before.

It is Yuzuru dipping his feet into the sea for the first time, squealing in delight as the waves rush up to him and crash into his legs, spraying him and his carefully rolled up pants up to mid-thigh.

It is making sandwiches for lunch, only to have Yuzuru make a face the moment he bites into the crunchy vegetables Javi had stuffed inside.

“What is THIS?!” Yuzuru cries, face scrunched up in disgust as he chews and swallows.

“Bell pepper?” Javi shrugs, amused. “I take it you’ve never had it before?”

“No,” Yuzuru says and takes a long gulp of water from his glass. “Not my favorite new food.” He glares at the offending sandwich and starts picking out the red bits, discarding them onto his plate. “I prefer chocolate.”

The best of the new delights, however, is the one Javi has been saving for a while.

“Where are we going?” Yuzuru inquires for the third time since they have gotten inside the aircar.

“You’ll see, don’t be impatient,” Javi tells him, chuckling at Yuzuru’s eyeroll.

Yuzuru huffs and puffs all the way to their destination, but he doesn’t ask again. At least not until they arrive.

“Where are we?” he asks, clearly abuzz with curiosity, when Javi leads him into the organically shaped, single-story building that from the outside resembles a pebble with large windows lining one of its sides.

“Put this on,” Javi instructs and hands Yuzuru the long-sleeved zip-up he had brought in his bag. Yuzuru gives him a puzzled look, but does as he is told.

Javi is sure he will remember the moment Yuzuru understands what’s going on for as long as he lives. Yuzuru’s face brightens and his mouth falls open as he takes in the picture in front of him.

“Javi!” he gasps and there is such awe in his voice, such unbridled delight, that Javi wishes he had not waited so long to take him here.

“Can I – can I try?” Yuzuru whispers, eyes are sparkling.

“That’s why we are here,” Javi laughs, and goes to rent some equipment.

Yuzuru touches the ice with his hands first, bending over to press his palms against the cold surface. It is almost like watching a person in religious trance, the way he swipes his fingers across the ice, then looks at them in amazement.

“Javi, this – this is incredible,” he breathes, turning his head to glance back at Javi over his shoulder. His smile is like a supernova exploding, bright and blinding.

Then Yuzuru steps out onto the ice… and nearly lands on his butt as his legs slide out from under him.

“This is _not_ like my dreams!” he whines once he has managed to steady himself against the boards.

“I didn’t say today was going to be easy,” Javi says and winks. “Only that it’s going to be fun.”

He follows Yuzuru onto the ice and flails for a moment before his body remembers how to stand on skates.

In the end, Javi has to eat his own words. It should not have been _easy._ But somehow, for Yuzuru, it is.

Javi had learned to ice skate as a child, and his genes, as his grandmother had claimed, had perhaps made it a tad easier.

Yuzuru… Yuzuru was born for this. It should be hard for him, harder than it is for Javi with his old muscle memory, but it takes mere minutes before he is keeping pace with Javi’s strokes, easily following him as Javi skates around in wide laps.

“I’m better than you,” Yuzuru teases when he manages to overtake Javi. His face is so full of joy that Javi can’t even pretend to be offended.

“Well, you always were, if the history books are to be believed,” Javi jokes and grabs Yuzuru’s gloved hand to pull him into a kiss.

“Thank you,” Yuzuru mumbles when they come apart, his nose cold but his skin incredibly warm where Javi has snuck a hand under the back of Yuzuru’s shirt and jacket.

Then Yuzuru flashes him a smile, and he is off again. He picks up a bit of speed and before Javi can stop him, he launches himself forward into a jump. It’s hardly a graceful move, made less so by the butt-landing that follows, but Javi can’t help but admire his bravery.

“You’re crazy!” he informs Yuzuru before offering him a hand up. Yuzuru grins and allows Javi to pull him back to his feet.

“You just wait,” he says. “This is called an Axel.” Yuzuru has been studying a lot of the old footage available on the network and Javi has caught him mimicking the moves from the videos on the terrace several times by now. It had looked interesting to Javi at the time, but had he known it would lead to such recklessness, he would have encouraged him a little less.

“It is the hardest jump,” Yuzuru continues, a wicked smile flashing across his face. “Just wait – I’ll get it,” he states, eyes aglow with a passion that almost makes Javi jealous. Almost, because it also makes him ridiculously happy to see Yuzuru like this – happy, free, and a little insane.

“I’m sure you will,” he says, his heart full to bursting.

*

They are sitting on the edge of the terrace later that day, bare feet buried in the sand just below. Yuzuru is warm against Javi’s side, resting his head on Javi’s shoulder, his hand on Javi’s thigh.

Suddenly, Javi realizes that even if he could have anything in the universe, all the stars in the sky, he wouldn’t want any of it more than he wants this.

He turns to Yuzuru to find him already looking back at him. His skin is golden in the light of the setting sun, making him look like something out of a dream. Javi grins and watches a responding smile blossom on Yuzuru’s face.

“I love you,” he says. Because he does, and because he needs to say it out loud. He reaches up to touch Yuzuru’s cheek, and pulls him close.

The sun is slowly tumbling into the gently waving Mediterranean as their lips meet, the kiss a gentle, unhurried unfolding. A promise of things to be.

“I love you, too,” Yuzuru whispers when they part to breathe, reverent and awed, as if he had never quite believed he would be able to say these words one day.

There are happy tears in his eyes. Or maybe it’s just a trick of the light.

**_Epilogue II_ **

_07-20-2021. Terra._

“Yuzu!”

He doesn’t need to turn around to know who is calling after him. He stops in his tracks, and waits.

The night is rich with scents and sounds: aromas of herbed seafood waft from the wedding feast, the clinking of glasses, laughter, and conversation fill the air, the waves gently lap at the shore and the air tastes of salt and summer.

“Are you leaving?” Javi asks when he catches up to him. He’s long lost his tie, and the top two buttons of his white shirt are undone – he looks loose, relaxed, and so beautiful Yuzu could cry. But he has had his share of tears in the months leading up to this, and earlier tonight, in a bathroom, after having watched and clapped while Javi kissed his _wife_ for the first time. Yuzu is done crying.

“I think it is time,” he says.

Javi nods. Then: “Will you – we’ll stay in touch, right?” Javi’s voice catches on the last word and Yuzu suspects that Javi already knows what he is about to say.

“I don’t think that would be wise, Javi,” he says anyway, as if putting it into words could make it any easier to accept.

“Yuzu –“ The disbelief and hurt in the way Javi says his name nearly break him – they _would_ break him if Yuzu was not so achingly familiar with both these emotions by now. They have been his trusty companions ever since Javi had announced his engagement.

But then Javi reaches for him in a way he hasn’t in years, the caress infinitely tender as he cups Yuzu’s face in his hand, grazes his thumb across his cheekbone. Yuzu didn’t expect this. And so instead of taking a step back like he should, he leans into the touch, and closes his eyes.

Then Javi’s lips are on his, barely there, a brush so light Yuzu can almost convince himself he’s only dreaming it again.

For a second, he lets himself feel it: the sweetness, the instant flutter of arousal, the staggering _rightness_ of Javi’s mouth on his. Then he opens his eyes and forces himself to take that step back.

Javi’s eyes fly open, warm and bright and confused in the weak flickering light of the torches that are stuck in the sand some distance off.

“Yuzu, I’m – “

“Married,” Yuzu interrupts and fights hard not to let the tears spill. “You are married and I – “ he takes a deep breath. “I need to move on. You need to let me go, Javi. Please.”

Javi blinks, but then he nods, looking lost, nearly as lost and broken as Yuzu feels.

“Be happy, Javi,” Yuzu pleads. “I need to know you will be happy.” And he does need that. He can’t imagine going through life knowing not only that he can’t ever have the man he loves, but also that Javi, too, is suffering. “Promise me.”

Javi bites his lip, eyes downcast. “I promise,” he says eventually.

Yuzu exhales, a part of the weight lifting off his shoulders.

“Do you think we could – that you will – that you could maybes come back, sometime in the future? Be my friend again?” Javi asks and even though the pain is still there, there is also a new resolve, an acceptance.

Yuzu allows himself a small smile. “Maybe. Maybe someday, someplace, our paths will cross again.”

Javi nods and gives Yuzu a smile in return – the smile Yuzu has been wanting, and dreaming of, and loving for years.

He turns around and forces himself to move before he loses his mind.

“Good luck in Beijing,” Javi calls after him.

Yuzu bobs his head in acknowledgement, but doesn’t look back. There is only forward now. Only the future.

**Author's Note:**

> Thoughts? Comments? Let me know - I love getting feedback. <3

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Return to the Stars](https://archiveofourown.org/works/20111149) by [estriel](https://archiveofourown.org/users/estriel/pseuds/estriel)
  * [[Podfic] Across The Stars](https://archiveofourown.org/works/20221612) by [estriel](https://archiveofourown.org/users/estriel/pseuds/estriel)




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